storms

some thoughts about storms, in the wake of hurricane sandy. 

we all go through storms. they constantly rage around us. 

sickness. bad grades. disappointing relationships. break ups. loss of jobs. sadness.  

it is so easy to get tossed around in these storms. 

lately i have felt like this. like i'm being tossed around in this storm- like i'm simply drifting in the sea of BYU students.

 i have left lost and hopeless.

but there is hope!

when Christ died, there was a huge storm in the America's. there was no light for 3 days and 3 nights! pitch blackness! but when the light came, the people were focused on the Son. they were ready to see him. the storm had refined them and humbled them enough to be able to see and visit with the Savior. 

one stormy night on the Sea of Galilee, the apostles were rocked by the storm, when they saw walking toward them, a man- Christ. Peter, the only one brave enough to step out on the water when the Savior called to them. he walked a few steps- on the water! but then he stopped, looked around, and realized he was in the middle of the Sea, surrounded by crashing waves, with thunder cracking and lightning blazing around. he could die! he looked away and began to sink, into the storm. as he cried out in fear, the Savior caught hold of his hand. and He lifted Peter to safety.

storms are dark. they are scary. they seem hopeless sometimes.

but Christ is there. He will help us. 

focus on Him. keep your eyes on His loving face! He will never let you sink. He knows what this storm is preparing you for. He knows the blessings in store for you. 

"Our only hope and peace in both physical and spiritual storms is the Savior." 

(Sister Sarah Arnesen, serving and LDS mission in Cleveland, Ohio- after Hurricane Sandy)

thank you Sarah for your inspired insight! I really needed this today!

journeying

listening to this song reminds me that there is hope and help and love from God. i am encouraged to look up and take hold of Christ's hand. even as i am exercising every particle of faith i have, i believe He can make up the difference and make my journey joyful.

joy as exceeding as is your pain

yesterday i felt like i was doing good and then i got upset again and wrote a really long (unpublished) post in defense of myself. then i went home and went to institute. fully planning on still harboring some resentment and probably publishing that post later that evening. 

it didn't happen.

and thank goodness for that.

at institute Pres. and Sister Samuelin talked about how the Atonement applies in Eternal Marriage and how we have to overcome the Natural Man to reach our fill potential in Eternal Marriage. one thing that stuck out to me was that eventually, no matter what hardships we are going through, we will have joy as exceeding as was our pain. despite sin, mistakes, guilt and trials, the Atonement makes it all right and we are given joy! another thing that i learned is that selfishness is the root of so many of my problems. selfishness takes, takes, takes and never gives. when we are selfish it is easier to commit sin because sins are ultimately all self serving! as a girl trying to overcome the "Natural Man" i do pretty good with the reading of scriptures, going to church, praying, etc. but i am selfish. perhaps this is because as a university student almost everything we do is for ourselves, or maybe it's just because it's easier to be selfish. but right then and there i decided to work on being more selfless. 

doesn't that lesson sound just amazing? don't stop reading though- it gets better.

i went up afterwards to talk to Pres. Samuelin. i love the Samuelins! i literally want to be them someday. as i talked to Pres. Samuelin, he looked into my eyes, and spoke things that i needed to hear. i didn't have to tell him everything that i am struggling with right now, i didn't have to say anything. he just spoke. words of comfort. words of wisdom. and i knew, i know, that he is a man inspired of God. i know that God knew that last night i, Rebekah Arnesen, needed to hear some things and i needed to know i that i was loved for individually, that God knows me, and that He has a plan for me.

i walked out, near tears, and speechless. something sacred happened back there. a feeling i cannot forget. and it was like a filter was taken off my eyes and i saw things in a better light- more happy.

later that evening as i drove down the canyon, singing songs and feeling the summer air on my skin, i remembered that this is what life is all about. finding happiness. being happy.

trials, problems and heartaches don't necessarily go away. but anger, frustration, impatience, and selfishness, those are things we can control and eliminate. i am so grateful for that reminder. 

here is to the rest of the summer. being happy. having adventures. and perfecting myself.

this is me and my Grandma Arnesen on my blessing day!

wordless wednesday

*because i really really just cannot put words on this page right now.

wordless thursday

*because everything i write sounds trite and meaningless and my heart isn't really in it*

the day the universe aligned

yesterday was the eclipse! randomly Allison and I decided to head down south so we could get the full effect of this momentous event. we set out after church, supplied with water, caramel popcorn, strawberries and, of course, our handy welding helmet.

we drove two hours, arriving in Kanosh, UT in plenty of time to view the entire eclipse. it was so fun! we met this old local man, Vernon Christensen, who hung out with us for like a half hour as we viewed the full annular eclipse. it was so cute and Kanosh is just a great little city. literally it was the tiniest town i've been in, in a while.  but it was just beautiful and i would move there (if they didn't have to drive 50 miles to the nearest Walmart ha ha).

seeing the eclipse was amazing. it's one of those moments when you observe an amazing act of nature and you are convince that there is God because how else could it have happened. thanks to the welding helmet Allison and I had the ultimate protection for our eyes, but it wasn't so great for taking photos. i'm sure that you can survive with the pictures other people took.

other than the eclipse it was a wonderful weekend. sometimes when i have such a great weekend i get worried that something bad or disappointing must be coming. i hope that is not true! optimism! here's to a great week no matter what happens!

word-ful wednesday

yesterday i had nothing to say. my mind was. . . well, empty. today it seems like everything is my mind is spilling over and my brain might explode. so, please bear with me as i proceed on a very jumbled and random post. and don't judge that the writing isn't eloquent. i'm too tired to think eloquently. 

*most of this really is addressed to me and my own short comings*

i realized today that i let myself be friend zoned a lot. in fact, i think all girls are friend zoned a lot. mostly because guys and girls are too afraid to say what they want and how they feel. we are afraid of being honest. we are afraid of ruining a friendship by asking that friend on a date or telling them how we feel about them. it is "easier" just to stay in the friend zone, than to risk being hurt if they don't like you back or it doesn't work out. but honestly is it worth it? 

i got a wedding invitation today from a guy who i was in love with freshman year. we did everything together and i considered him my best friend. i always hoped something would happen when he got home from his mission, but i always expected him to be the one who would suddenly "see the light" and fall madly in love with me. i was too scared to tell him how i felt- until it was too late. when i finally told him, he was already dating another girl (his fiance now) and i knew in my heart that i was far too late. so now i have a wedding announcement in my garbage because i just can't stand to look at it. 

this, and other smaller events, gave birth to my brain explosion today.

as girls i think we expect (due to stories we read, hear and watch every day) that some day this guy is going to look over and realize we are what he has always wanted and suddenly a fairy tale will ensue and everything will be perfect. another dating lie is that if the impossible happened for someone else, then it can happen to you. not true. we are the rule not the exception!  however, i submit that it is not that easy! girls, we have to put forth some effort. because, for the most part, guys are pretty dim. sometimes we have to let them know what we want. and then, we have to be willing to walk away (even from a great friendship), if he doesn't want the same things. yes, we have to walk away- completely. because, after God,  you want to be number one in a man's life. not his number five, number twenty-seven, or number one hundred sixty-three. it's hard to walk away, but it can be done.

really, this just comes down to honesty. walking away requires telling him (or her) how you feel and then being able to accept what they feel and chose to do. oh, what's that you say? it's scary to tell people how you honestly feel about them? yes it is. i know. i tend to be more the passive aggressive type. hinting, hinting, hinting- and hoping someday they get the message. however, talking with friends and also having friends who are not passive aggressive, has helped me realize that in all things just say what you feel. don't be afraid of offending someone or losing friends. if you feel strongly about something, find a kind and tactful way to tell them. i've lost many a relationship because i didn't communicate clearly what i was thinking. i expected them to pick up on my hints and come to me apologizing. but that's not really how it works. no one can read minds (or in my case, heavily encrypted hints).  the faster we learn to talk about and express our feelings, in a constructive way, the better off we are. 

but don't be mean or petty. don't place blame. don't just look at faults. remember that you care about this person. remember that you are also a part of the relationship and therefore responsibility for where you are is partly on you. remember that if you don't have something nice to say then you probably shouldn't say anything at all. 

wow look at me being all philosophical and therapeutic. guess i should start practicing what i preach right?

i need to break out of my passive-aggressive shell and tell him what i am feeling. be willing to accept the consequences. and walk away. because i don't want another experience like i had today. i don't want another "what if?".  

because, when a guy becomes your "list," your "standard" then you probably ought to let him know. if it doesn't work out, i can move on. but at least i won't be hanging on to the hope that maybe one day i will be his number one. i can't keep getting upset because he takes two days to text me back (a five word answer- gee thanks!). even if we are "good friends" i know that will never be enough, unless i find someone better for me. but i will always wonder. . .

ah! this is a freaking scary post. i'm scared to post this because it's so honest and so personal. but this is my blog and i can write whatever i want. if you don't like it, then don't read it. i do believe everything i wrote, but it's hard to put those belief's into actions. it's scary. i've always said that i value my friendship with a guy more than i want to date him- one of the big reasons i don't even try to date any of my friends, because i don't want to ruin a friendship. but in the end friends are not the most important thing, are they? it's the man who is across from you at the temple, making vows that will seal you together forever. it's the man who will help you raise your children and do the dishes for you when you are just too tired. it's the man who will be your best friend and your lover. it's the man who will serve God and help you to serve Him too. that's the thing that matters most. that's who you will be with forever.

so yeah, it's freaking scary to tell people how you feel. but if they don't want you, for all you are and have to offer life, then it's not worth it. it's better to die with a clean stab to the heart, than to be stabbed over and over with pins until you bleed out. (i apologize for my gory metaphor. . . ) and, it's only by doing the thing we fear, that we over come out fears. then we are not afraid anymore. 

so here's what i'm gonna do:

- speak what i feel. all the time. be honest.

- be more open in my dating relationships. right from the beginning.

- if someone hurts or offends me, let them know in a timely, kind, tactful manner.

- be myself 100%. don't be ashamed of my odd quirks!

- be totally honest on this blog. write what i want.

on another note, there are fish in the flaming sea! do not let a break up or a wish stop you from finding another guy who might be better than you could ever imagine! i believe that you marry your best friend, but it might be that you become best friends through dating and courtship. and don't worry. no matter if you are 16 or 26, the guy will come along. someday when  the time is right. he will be there. and you will be his one.

stronger

after yesterday's extremely selfish and self centered post (yeah sorry about that; i feel bad), here is a little something to remind us what life is really all about. 

you guyssssss! this is amazing! did you get the chills? i did. i just can't wait for the day that i can work and help these amazing kids! what an inspiration.

that's all. 

go love life.

pain

we've all felt it. from the time we fell out of the tree when we were ten, to the time we biffed it wake boarding at twenty-one. pain. 

physical pain is part of the healing process. the sensation of pain is caused by thousands of nerve endings, recognizing that damage has been done to that part of the body and sending this message to the brain. pain is the "first responder" when something is wrong in the body. in essence- pain is good.

pain is also a sensation that come with growth.  you've heard the saying: "no pain, no gain." it's something i tell myself when pushing myself to the limit in running, weight lifting, or biking. when my muscles are sore and my lungs are burning, i tell myself that it's not killing me, it's making me stronger. when we work through physical pain, we do gain. we gain strength, muscle, endurance. we break records, reach goals, and build champions.

sometimes pain is bad. sometimes it is so great, that there must be something to lessen or take away the pain. tylenol takes away the pain of a head ache. cold water takes away the pain of a burn. morphine takes away the pain from major surgery. a massage takes away the pain of strained muscles.

what about emotional pain? is it good? does it indicate healing or growth? can it be taken away by medication or rest?

how can the pain that comes from the heart, yet sometimes becomes so intense that it causes actual physical pain, be taken away???

i've have lain, curled up on my bed, sobbing because i missed someone, and it hurt- my heart and my body. i have felt loneliness so great that i felt that i could only go into the bathroom, and weep. i have been stabbed in the back, lied to, and even used. 

Christ is the one who has suffered everything. He has felt every and any kind of pain we go through. 

"For behold, I, God, have suffered these things for all, that they might not suffer if they would repent; But if they would not repent they must suffer even as I; Which suffering caused myself, even God, the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit—and would that I might not drink the bitter cup, and shrink—" (D&C 19:16-18).

Unlike us, "during His mortal life Christ chose to experience pains and afflictions in order to understand us. [So] perhaps we also need to experience the depths of mortality in order to understand Him and our eternal purposes." 

So. . . this pain is a tool to help us grow??

yes.

if we let the pain make us stronger, instead of destroying us.

but we are not alone. through the Atonement, the pain can be taken away. we will be given what we need to overcome and become who the Lord wants us to be. "Healing blessings come in many ways, each suited to our individual needs, as known to Him who loves us best. Sometimes a ‘healing’ cures our illness or lifts our burden. But sometimes we are ‘healed’ by being given strength or understanding or patience to bear the burdens placed upon us" (Dallin H. Oaks). God loves us. He will not leave us alone as long as we turn to Him. He can and will take the pain away.

sometimes though, i think we are allowed to suffer, to experience pain. because it is the best way for us to grow. perhaps, the Lord knows, that like a piece of coal, we need to undergo immense amounts of pressure to become a diamond. perhaps He knows that true healing requires a little pain. and once the wound heals, a scar is left- a beautiful reminder of the pain, the growth, and the Master's own healing scars.

I will rise when He calls my name

No more sorrow, no more pain

I will rise on eagles' wings

Before my God fall on my knees

And rise

I will rise

Jesus has overcome.

quotes from The Atonement Covers All Pain by Elder Kent F. Richards and I Will Rise by Chris Tomlin

wordless wednesday + happy birthday wish

Happy 16th Birthday Joseph!

rising up

last night i had the great opportunity to to the Orem Institute's spring program about the Book of Mormon. guys, it was so good. i am amazed at the talents of people in this church! these college students wrote, prepared and performed an amazing and spiritual show! i was in awe the entire time. my testimony of the Book of Mormon, Joseph Smith, and the truthfulness of this Gospel was reaffirmed as testimony and truth were shared in word and song.

my favorite message was about Alma and Amaleki and their first mission. they converted a lot of people in the city, but the unbelievers were more powerful than those who believed. so the believers were killed- burned in a fire. it got me to thinking. these people were doing nothing wrong. in fact, they had recently become converted and changed their lives to be more in line with God's will. they were doing everything right. so why did they get cast into the fire? why didn't Alma save them (as he could have)? why did they have to suffer so much despite their good works and their testimonies? and then i thought about my own life. recently, trials i have passed through have made me ask they "why" questions a lot. i have been doing everything right. i have been striving to do as God wants me to do. i have been seeking to know God's will for me and to follow the Holy Ghost. but sometimes, bad things happen to good people. and God doesn't stay the storm. he doesn't slay the enemy. He allows His people to go through that difficult trial. i don't know or understand why the trials i am going through have come to me. but i do have faith that God has something wonderful in store for me. i love this song that the choir sang in addition to telling the story of the people of Ammonihah.

wordless wednesday