wordless thursday

*because everything i write sounds trite and meaningless and my heart isn't really in it*

national hamburger month

it's been on my "list" for a while now to go to Color Me Mine. in fact it was on my bucket list of 22 things to do when i'm 22 and so when i got a Groupon for a free studio fee, i had to use it! the Groupon expired tomorrow (obviously i'm all about doing things last minute) and so i got Allison, Mel and Megan (Mel's sister) to come with me. it ended up being a real fun time. i'm not super creative so i stick with the simple clean look. i painted a plate- orange center with a zebra edge. i am excited to see the final product!!! if you haven't been to Color Me Mine then you should definitely go! but unless you are made of money (or go there on a date- yay free stuff) i would wait for a deal on the studio fee because it's kinda expensive with the studio fee.

May is National Hamburger Month! did you know that? well i'm all about celebrations and i love me a good hamburger so i just had to celebrate. this afternoon Rach and I went to In-N-Out to get ourselves some quality burgers. ok i am ashamed to say that i haven't been there for probably three years. sad right? but their burgers are SO good and SO cheap! don't worry if you still want to celebrate National Hamburger Month, you've got one more day to go get yourself a burger!


oh, i also went on a date last night. bowling and froyo. really guys you would think with how many times i've been bowling on dates that i would be good at it. nope. i lost both games. but i totally think that i want to get on a bowling league here in provo next year. how do i go about doing that? do ya know? also, i just really like bowling shoes. the date was fun though. and i think i found someone who is a bigger harry potter nerd than i am! as my roommate said: is that even possible? yes. and i quite enjoy it!

new new new!

have you noticed something different around here? yup, you got that right, my amazing and artistic friend, brittany nelson, from No Two Fish just re-did my blog.  Britt is super talented and since i am not creative or smart with blog design, i was beyond grateful when she said she'd re-do my space. she took my scattered ideas and made it into this masterpiece! a few things might change over the next few weeks, but this is here to stay for a little while.

Britt, thanks so much for doing this! i really am secretly jealous of your creative mind! and let's really do lunch with me and you and Jess, asap. you are awesome!

i'm gonna be working on my pages and stuff, but feel free to follow along my adventures!

memorial day weekend

whew what a weekend! i love me some long weekends, especially since it meant i didn't have work on monday.
the weekend started on friday night after i got off work. i went to see John Carter with Kevin, Tyler and Andrew. (you would think with how much i hang out with guys that i would have a boyfriend. i don't. opposite karma or something?) before the show we went to jcw's because i was hungry and i've been craving jcw's for a good while here. they were all jcw's virgins but i think i converted them all. the movie was actually good! the title, John Carter, can be confusing because there is a U.S. president named John Carter. this is not a movie about him. it's more scifi meets star wars. we snuck in reese's pieces and sour patch kids- so delicious- and i was set for the night! i love hanging out with these guys. i would do it every weekend.
saturday morning i got up bright and early to go have breakfast with the girls of 2110 (ie my freshman roommates). we went to Denny's because it's close and cheap. amy had some big news for us (but i'm not gonna say what it is because i don't know how public she wants it just yet). but i'm excited for her! after a long, busy shift at work, i went home and took a short nap before my date. we were supposed to go roller blading, but i swear that the roller blading gods are against us because the rain prevented us from going. instead, my date had the brilliant idea of making ice cream using dry ice! it was so cool! think Sub Zero Ice Cream made at home. we made two batches- chocolate chip cookie dough and caramel cheesecake brownie. oh MY yum! the hardest part was breaking apart the block of dry ice. i'm a girl and i don't have hammers or other tools around my apartment, so we used scissors and a lot of pounding. the funnest part was pouring the dry ice into the cream mixture! i felt like a mad scientist- kinda. and of course the ice cream was delicious. it tasted a little carbonated, but that was way cool! after sticking the leftovers in the freezer, they tasted just like normal ice cream. i gotta make this stuff again!
saturday night i went up to Miss Aubrey's bridal shower!! yeah she is getting married! whit was in town from Kentucky and hosted it at her parent's place. i hadn't seen whit since we parted ways in Uganda and i was so excited to see her! haha her face when she saw me was so funny. we are just used to seeing each other with no makeup, in our chaco's and DI clothes. she looked awesome though and did such a cute job with the shower. it was a blast to see all the Africa girls who came and i stayed with Megs until 11 pm! we met Shey (Aubrey's fiance) and he is just perfect. Aubs, if you are reading this- i really am so happy for you! i think Shey is really a perfect fit for you and i can't wait for you to be wed (and live in provo ha ha). all the marriage talk made me a little marriage hungry, but whatevs. that happens.

on sunday i slept waaaay in. i gave a talk in sacrament meeting. i really dislike speaking in public. it probably stems from that public speaking class i had back in seventh grade where everyone gave me horrible ratings each class period and i felt like the biggest failure.  anyways the talk went good, i think. people said they liked it so unless they are lying, then it was good. after my church i went over to Heather's mom's house for the post-church gathering for Chris's baby blessing. i am sad i couldn't go to his actual blessing but the talk kind of prevented that. it was so great to see all my former 2110 roommates and their husbands there. sometimes i feel a little like the odd woman out, but for the most part they make me feel like one of the group. all the husbands get along so well that it makes me want to marry someone who will fit in with "the guys" too! the food was delicious, of course. Heather's mom is a fantastic party thrower, just like Heather. i probably ate too much fruit, but hey, it's ok because fruit is healthy. we talked about baby names and health insurance and birth control. yes, i am storing all this knowledge away for that someday when it actually applies to me. i love these girls. no matter how different our lives may be (school, babies, husbands, etc.) i know they will always love and support me!

on monday i woke up bright and early in order to meet my family for the drive up to Heber. we had a Thomas family reunion up at the Moon's cabin!! guys the reunion was so fun. i love my family! we played games- i only won one. we ate delicious comfort food (some of it was not so delicious... baloney and pickle sandwiches?). went on a treasure hunt. had a testimony meeting. after the "official" activities, i went four wheeling with some of the cousins and brothers. when i got back i went with Uncle Ron to go shooting. Uncle Ron just got a 9 mm Glock and he taught me how to shoot it. at first i was a little nervous- mostly it's the anticipation- but it was awesome! the worst part is anticipating the casing flying in your general direction. that is why you wear eye protection. Uncle Ron said i was a natural- which i take to be a compliment. i'd go shooting again next week! i'd like to try going to a shooting range and hitting a target- you know, like policemen do. after shooting i went on another four wheeling expedition. this was a little crazy! we drove through way deep water (probably a foot or so deep) and had some harder trails. but i liked it. Ben even drove for a little bit and did a great job! we all got pretty muddy though. that's a sacrifice i'm willing to make. i even got to watch a little bit of Iron Man in the theater room before we left. we were all pretty exhausted coming home. when i got back to provo i cleaned up and cleaned the house a little. then i watched The Birds. i got it from the library a couple weeks ago and have been waiting for the right time to watch it. i didn't want to watch it alone (mostly because my mom has warned me that i will pretty much be scarred for life after watching it) but since it was due today i had to watch it alone. i was a little scared, but let's be real- that blood is ketchup, the birds looked horribly fake, and the scared faces were cheesey. the ending was also cryptic. they just drive away and that's the end? no explanation or anything? i was disappointed. and no i'm not deathly afraid of birds now.

oh i also started reading The Help this weekend! it was a really fun weekend and i am sad to be back at the old grind stone. i have only one more week of "freedom" before i start the 2 week CNA class. did i mention i'm nervous for that? mostly just nervous that i will be exhausted all the time and i will eat unhealthy because i pretty much have to drive straight from class to work every night. please bless i pass and that i don't gain 10 pounds.
i hope ya'll had an wonderful a weekend as i did!

identity crisis

it's not really a crisis. not like the crisis where you cry and scream. it's not the kind of crisis where you quit your job and move to a new place. it's more like that inner crisis that you didn't even realize was there but has been pricking, pricking, pricking at you day in and day out. until, one day, you wake up, and realize, you aren't quite sure about some things.

i decided, last fall, to do an accelerated nursing program after i graduate from BYU. in an attempt to find the best schools (i don't want to go to a college that is not well established- call me stuck up) i searched for programs in every single state. literally. i spent an entire sunday afternoon scouring the world wide web for schools. i came up with a list of about 25, and one was in utah. as the school year progressed, my list became smaller as i researched the schools a little bit more. schools outside of utah seemed more and more appealing. the university of utah is the only school in utah offering the program i want. it is a wonderful program and very competitive to get into. but, i don't really want to stay in utah. because i don't want to stay in utah, i feel like a get a lot of flack. there is the money angle. if i stay in utah, tuition is much cheaper. all the schools outside utah are about $30,000 minimum for the program. so logically, why would i even apply somewhere where i will be going in to debt? angle #2- dating scene. i am very aware of the fact that by moving back east (that's where most of the schools are) the dating pool will significantly decrease. angle #3 (which no one actually ever says out loud)- moving away is a big deal. i think boys get turned off when i say that i am applying to these schools that are on the opposite side of the country. maybe they admire my guts and drive for doing it, but i think they also write me off as the "career girl." if only they (and really, everyone else) realize that i am leaving only because i have no reason to stay! yes, my family is here, but it's not like i will be in Africa- we can skype, text, and talk every day. my faith is here- but it is every where. my friends are here- but they are moving on with life too, onto babies, marriage, grad school, and missions. if an amazing man came along and gave me good reason to stay- i would!

speaking of marriage. . . i am graduating at the end of the year. weird, i know. i will have a college degree- and pretty much nothing i can do with it ha ha. it's ok. i have learned a lot. not just about exercise science- but about God, myself, love, lies, forgiveness, letting go, following the Spirit, and serving others. although i didn't come to BYU with the intent of getting my Mrs. degree, i didn't really picture my life, graduating without the ring. i always just figured it would happen- because so many people said that it would. it hasn't. and honestly i don't know when it will. i mean i could meet "the guy" tomorrow and be married next year. or i could be 26. or 32. it's not so much a crisis as a coming to terms. although i am happy for my friends who are getting married and having kids, they little know, that sometimes it feels like one more nail in my coffin. one more way i am falling behind. one more thing that will take us to different places and make us less of the friends we used to be. so yes, that is hard. i try not to be bitter towards them. it's not their fault i'm not married, or heck, even dating someone. the Lord has something else for me to do right now.

i have been thanked and applauded for being honest on my blog. i do try to be genuine. sometimes though, i look at bloggers and i feel like this is all a joke. other blogs display jewelry, cute babies, day trips and lunch dates like they are the things life is made of. and, i guess, to some extent, life is made of those things. but then i look at a particularly cheesy photo of a "twenty-something" (why does everyone use this phrase? if you were forty-something i would understand, but it's not like those of us in our 20's have to be ashamed of our age. geez.) girl painting and just looking so happy, and i think: "is this for real?" no one's life is that perfect. there are very few blogs that i believe tell it like it is- life with it's ups and with it's downs. i try to do that. but, i have a confession. i am not completely honest with you. there are things in my life that i don't talk about on my blog. i'm just not ready to tell the whole world about them. and maybe i'm just a little worried of marring the perfect world that bloggers try to create. maybe i'm a little worried about pouring my heart out because i look at a post that really took guts for me to write (like this, this, or this) that got one or two comments and i compare it to a post featuring a snappily dressed woman, telling us some small anecdote about her day, her dog, or her bike, that got 20-50 comments, and i really just wonder if it is all worth it. there are very few blogs that i read, that i think tell the whole truth. most blogs focus on- fashion, food, family, and dating/marriage. those are all great things to talk about. but there are few bloggers that talk about the real stuff- school kicking butt, dealing with illness, struggling with depression or anxiety, or a problem that may be half a world away- while still living an awesome life. but those are the blogs that move me, that i can relate to, that help me see myself in a better light. and that is the reason i will continue to be real- to be honest- and eventually, i hope i can be completely honest with you about those things i haven't talked about. because if there is someone out there that i can touch, or whose view i can change, or who can relate to anything i might say, then i want to keep writing.

maybe the identity crisis is good. if is causes you to look inside to the basics- to who you really are. there are so many voices out there. trying to tell you what you should do. giving well-intended advice. suggesting solutions for the surface, not the deep. in the end, you can only listen to the voice in your heart- your conscience- telling you what is right and wrong, where you should go, and what you should do.

"above all, to thine own self be true" -Hamlet