starving

i went to Uganda almost two years ago. while i was there i learned that i can never justifiably say "i'm starving." because i looked into the eyes of children, who had just given me food, and who now had nothing to eat for lunch. and what i saw there, was acceptance. this was nothing new to them. they had skipped meals before. children who ate only a cheap grain cereal to last them throughout the day. mothers holding babies that were so malnourished that spindly limbs stuck out from a bloated stomach. their faces flash before me. . .

the rwandan muslim refugees, torn from their homes, with no work and no money.

the children of the slums, who did the work of an adult, because that's what is required.

the family of seven living in one small hut.

the elderly man who rode his rickety bike two hours each way to church, three or four times per week.

the villagers who had no electricity or running water.

the father, holding his infant son, who had just breathed his last belabored breath, in an overcrowded ward of  a hospital.

the intern doctor trying valiantly to do everything she could to save a baby, caught in a house fire.

and yet, as i walked through the slums of Namatala, and as a rode a boda boda on my way to an orphanage, and as i taught school children how to become leaders,  i saw more. smiles and laughter. loyalty and hope. love and compassion. selflessness and intelligence. people living their lives to the fullest, because they know that they only have one chance at life. i didn't see starvation. i saw something more. something that feeds the soul and not the body.

in the months that have followed my return from Uganda, i have observed my life and the lives of those around me.  

we have plenty of food. yet we are constantly worried about being a certain size, or having the largest muscles, or eating the healthiest.

we are able to get an education. we go to wonderful institutes of learning.

we go to work everyday, and even if we hate it, at least we have a job that is steady.

we have a home that is warm and sheltered from the elements. 

we have running water, warm showers, and electricity.

we can go buy new clothes.

we don't have to watch our children die from diseases like cholera and malaria.

we are safe.

but we are so unhappy! we are starving. yes, many of us are lacking vital nutrients for the soul-- compassion, selflessness, service, love, optimism, laughter. it doesn't matter how many likes we get on facebook, how large our paycheck, or how prestigious our degree. we deny ourselves of the essence of life- those things that change us from merely existing, to truly living! 

i don't know how we can stop this starvation. there is no Red Cross to bring more love to the world. and there is no Food Bank that hands out cans of laughter. there is no state school that can teach us to be compassionate and selfless. 

it starts with me. it starts with you. we must change ourselves. we must take stock, and change our hearts. laugh more. turn off the smart phone and play with children. help someone who needs it. smile at a stranger. hug our family. 

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world" Ghandi.

you know you've lived in africa for a long time when. . .

.  . . beans and rice is one of your favorite dishes

.  . . seeing two boys holding hands doesn’t even faze you (in Uganda, it is more common to see people of the same sex holding hands than people of opposite sexes. It’s just a cultural way of saying you are friends.)

.  . . you are used to cold showers (and you only shower twice a week. Oh, and forget about shaving regularly!)

.  .  . clothes you would never wear in the States start to look really cute

. . . you are really excited if the power stays on all day and all night

. . . you see a white person and have the uncontrollable urge to yell, “Mzungu!”

. . . waiting for up to an hour for a meeting or a class to begin is normal

. . . your day is made when you poop solid

. . . you find a rock in your food and you keep eating

. . . you see a dead cockroach in your bathroom and you leave it for a few days

. . . you think your clothes are clean when they don’t smell

. . . you start to argue over twenty cents

. . . you cancel your meetings when it rains

. . . you compare your chaco tan lines with others

. . . you think you’re really tan and then you shower and suddenly you’re not as tan as you thought

. . . all your clothes are crunchy because washing by hand you never get all of the soap out

. . . you have to drink all of your soda at the place you bought it because they charge you extra if you take the glass bottle

. . . you’re riding in a taxi and a random African sits in your lap and you’re okay with it because the 14-seater taxi only has 18 people and not 24

. . . you’ve had at least fifteen marriage proposals in the last week

. . . you sit on a motorcycle sideways (if you’re a girl), even when you’re wearing pants

. . . its normal to hold hands with a stranger when you first meet them

. . . you bargain over every price, regardless of what it is

i wrote this a year ago today while i was in Uganda. if you want a snapshot of what my day to day life was there, enjoy this and then go check out my blog for Africa here.
Co-authored by Sarah Blackhurst, Suzanne Whitehead, Whitney Smith, Devin Wengert and Beka Arnesen

22.5

today is my half birthday. you should probably know i love birthdays. really i just love parties and celebrations. so what have i done today in lieu of celebrating?

 i worked for almost six hours. . .
and watched three episodes on Criminal Minds.

guysss my life is so exciting right now!

i have a hankering for boating. and since my road trip for the weekend just cancelled i would die of happiness if i could be on a boat all day on saturday. literally.

so while i decide if i am going to go buy myself an oreo cheesequake blizzard from DQ (i got one yesterday too. don't worry about it.), i'm reminiscing about my half birthday last year. it was definitely the best half birthday i've ever had!

sarah and i went to chat n chino to "work on stuff for the leadership project" and she surprised me by buying me a coke float! what a good friend :)

Richard and Marissa made french toast with pseudo buttermilk syrup for dinner. delicious.

later than night we roasted marshmallows and made s'mores thanks for the american supplies becca brought with her. let me just say that cadbury chocolate is the best chocolate to use when making s'mores. and never did s'mores taste as good as they did cooked over that small coal burning stove in uganda.

now it's my half birthday again. time really has flown. i wish with all my heart that i was in that place again. i would give up my modern conveniences and nice clothes, just to be back there again with those amazing people. 

and celebrating isn't very fun in provo when you are all alone.

that's all.

time for that blizzard.

the abster

today is the birthday of one of my very best friends in the whole world. the instant i met abby at training for HELP International i knew we would be friends. and since today is her 21 birthday let me share with you why i think she is so awesome.

on her birthday last year

- Abby is truly compassionate. she wants to help people and is very willing to give love to everyone. she is one of the main reasons i want to be a nurse.

in Namatala with some babies

- Abby is not judgmental. she is really good at looking at a person's heart and not what they look like on the outside. she helped me look past that many times in Uganda.

- Abby is a missionary. she loves the Gospel and shares her testimony through word and example.

on Esther's baptism day

- Abby is a hard worker. she helped me with so many of my projects in Uganda when no one else would! i am so thankful for her help with the leadership classes and hospital teaching.

- Abby likes to have fun! we had so many adventures in Uganda mainly because of her fun attitude. she helped me to see that every day is an adventure.

- Abby is willing to take risks. she was the first of the new volunteers to eat ants! she really immersed herself in the Ugandan culture and loved every part of it (except maybe posho and matooke).

riding a boda boda with our favorite driver- Habeeb

- Abby is completely honest with me. this is one of my favorite parts of our friendship- we are totally honest with each other. we had to go through some disagreements to get to be totally honest, but now it is wonderful. she is the one friend that i can trust 100%. 

- Abby is awesome because she trusts me with all her black mail photos.... don't worry Abs i'm not going to put any on here :)

science fair. longest. day. ever.

- Abby is a good friend because she is always there for me if i need her. she is willing to listen to me and help me with my problems. she is the type of friend that will come over late at night if i need a shoulder to cry on. or she will come along with me if i need a wing woman. 

- Abby is athletic and motivates me to be a better runner and to work out more. she would do circuits with me almost every night in Uganda! it was great!

at the Source of the Nile

Abby, you are the greatest. i really see you as a sister from another mister. thank you for being my wonderful friend for the past year. i love you so much and i hope your birthday is amazing! may your 21st year bring you peace and blessings! love ya girl, bex.

christmas 2011

fourth of july in uganda

last year i was in uganda for independence day. i thought it would be really hard to be away from home on a holiday that my family loves. surprisingly, it wasn't. when you are doing something you love and serving others, a holiday is just like any other day, just a little more special. so we celebrated mzungu style.

soooo excited to celebrate

we had hamburgers and chips (fries) for dinner

please love these faces about to enjoy a delicious hamburger

then we had a dance party. but i won't post any of those pictures as they could be potential blackmail photos haha. but there was definitely some air guitar and maybe even some animal worship....? no, we just re-enacted the Circle of Life with our pup Simba.

supes excited for coke floats (thank you Sarah for photo bombing)(

 i love me coke floats

aubs and me

devin and aubs

apparently something was funny. 

yes, yes it was a grand ol' party.

secretly, i wish i was celebrating there again this year....

rafting the nile

last summer i went to Uganda. one weekend we took a break from Mbale, and traveled to Jinja to raft the Nile! now don't get confused, this isn't the slow, muggy Nile of Egypt. this is class 5 rapids. totally awesome. i would do it again and again!

lately

you see, i had a CNA class last week. hence the odd absence. i was in class from 9-5 every day (literally in the same classroom for 8 hours) and then went straight to work until 9 pm. usually after work i have a little homework or studying to do. it's. . . great. it has been hard going from no school to full on insanity. but i have somehow survived and even enjoyed the class (a little). i will do a full report on the class when i am done with it- in one week! be excited! here is what i've been up to in the last week. sorry if it's not terribly exciting, it's not like i went out and partied every night after being in class and work for 12 hours.

i saw this beautiful sunset on wednesday (?) when i walked out of work. after a long hard day it was amazing to be reminded of the small and yet important things in life. sorry about the bad picture quality- i took it on my unsmart camera phone. no instagram for me people.

driving home from class on thursday i saw this double decker bus. i literally screamed. then i took this picture. then i said, "take me back to london!" it was quite emotional. come to find out that some guy running for state representative bought the bus to campaign! kind sir can i buy from you when you are done?? kthanksbye.

also on thursday i went to Aubrey Olsen's wedding reception. yes she got married! i was so grateful i got work off to be able to be there. i mean, she is practically like a sister to me. the reception was beautiful and it was so fun to see some Africa peeps. i got to drive up with Andy, Paul, and Sarah. Andy and Paul are starting med school in the fall! what smart guys.  and you may remember that Sarah and Paul got married on a blizzardy day in January. we counted that 7 people from our Africa group have gotten married! i am kinda starting to feel like i am slacking off. so i tried to catch the bouquet (i never ever do that). obviously i need to work on my bouquet catching skills...

have you ever heard of the Gravitron? i hadn't until saturday. i went to Orem's Summerfest with Alex and we both rode the Gravitron for the first time. basically you stand in this UFO-looking thing and it spins around really fast so you are pinned against the wall. it reaches G forces so there is no gravity (or very small amounts) and you can go upside down or anything! really cool slash weird. after riding the Gravitron we grabbed blankets for the fireworks show. if you live in utah valley you know that Saturday was like the windiest day ever, so i was freezing. but the show was so cool! we even got showered in debris from the fireworks. and we saw the double decker bus. after the fireworks we were all way cold, so we went to IHOP for their infinite hot chocolate and some late night sustenance. have you heard that chicken and waffles is amazing? apparently they eat them in the south. anyways, i got some! sadly by the time they came i wasn't hungry anymore, but i did have some delicious waffles and chicken for breakfast and dinner today. i don't think the combo is weird at all. the night was so fun! i am glad i got to go out!
so yes that is my life. tomorrow i start all over again with CNA classes and work. i have clinicals Wednedsay and Thursday and i am praying i don't die, or worse get expelled (i mean, throw up). ah! so nervous! but i'm off for now- gotta go take more vital signs! i'll try to check in before next sunday though! have a great week!

through my bedroom window

i feel nostalgic for Uganda. sometimes the most simple of things come back to you and you miss them like you never thought you would. for me, one of those things was lying in my lower bunk, my "cave," next to the screened window, listening to the sounds of dusk- and of dawn.

at home, i never slept with the window open. but in uganda, i didn't have that option. all our bedroom windows simply had screens. uganda was hot, and when things finally cooled off in the evening, i loved lying in bed, just feeling, listening, experiencing. i would listen to music or write in my journal. and when the power was out, as it so often was, i would simply lie there and let the cool night air sweep over my hot, sweaty body. sometimes the afternoon rain would extend into night, and i would listen to the steady, drumming drops as they cooled off the hot day, leaving me feeling drowsy and content. there is something about night in Uganda. it is quiet. it is loud. sometimes as i would drift off to sleep i could hear the soft sounds of our South African neighbors, drinking away the night. or the jarring sounds of wild dogs would suddenly wake me as i slept. but always, the sweet breezes would let me sleep.

i never saw the sun rise in Uganda. but i felt it. heard it. there were these birds- at first their call was disturbing and annoying. but after time, i became accustomed and recognized their call as the "morning welcome." i awoke to other sounds- frogs, insects, occasionally a monkey- i'm not sure of which sounds came from which animal. i would feel the warm sun sparkle through through the screen and my mosquito net and jump onto my face and hands. the days got warm early and sometimes i would hear our guard as he finished up his duties and went into his guardhouse. those early morning moments, when no one else was awake, i would relish. lying in bed, knowing that i was awake but didn't have to quite get up yet. before the hustle and bustle of dressing, making breakfast, exercising, and getting off to town for the day. sometimes i pulled out my scriptures and read; other times, i would simply stare through my window at the green foliage, drying laundry, and blue sky. 

those moments, experiencing Uganda through my bedroom window, i cherish. i didn't realize that they would become sacred to me. yet, they have. what i wouldn't give to go back.

revel in the small things. remember them. drink every second in. find beauty no matter where you are. remember that the monotony of every day is what makes each day so perfect. take time to appreciate where you are in life, because today will not be here tomorrow, and next year we want to look back with fondness on this year. remember the past, but don't live in it. live in today. be real. be you. 

memorial day weekend

whew what a weekend! i love me some long weekends, especially since it meant i didn't have work on monday.
the weekend started on friday night after i got off work. i went to see John Carter with Kevin, Tyler and Andrew. (you would think with how much i hang out with guys that i would have a boyfriend. i don't. opposite karma or something?) before the show we went to jcw's because i was hungry and i've been craving jcw's for a good while here. they were all jcw's virgins but i think i converted them all. the movie was actually good! the title, John Carter, can be confusing because there is a U.S. president named John Carter. this is not a movie about him. it's more scifi meets star wars. we snuck in reese's pieces and sour patch kids- so delicious- and i was set for the night! i love hanging out with these guys. i would do it every weekend.
saturday morning i got up bright and early to go have breakfast with the girls of 2110 (ie my freshman roommates). we went to Denny's because it's close and cheap. amy had some big news for us (but i'm not gonna say what it is because i don't know how public she wants it just yet). but i'm excited for her! after a long, busy shift at work, i went home and took a short nap before my date. we were supposed to go roller blading, but i swear that the roller blading gods are against us because the rain prevented us from going. instead, my date had the brilliant idea of making ice cream using dry ice! it was so cool! think Sub Zero Ice Cream made at home. we made two batches- chocolate chip cookie dough and caramel cheesecake brownie. oh MY yum! the hardest part was breaking apart the block of dry ice. i'm a girl and i don't have hammers or other tools around my apartment, so we used scissors and a lot of pounding. the funnest part was pouring the dry ice into the cream mixture! i felt like a mad scientist- kinda. and of course the ice cream was delicious. it tasted a little carbonated, but that was way cool! after sticking the leftovers in the freezer, they tasted just like normal ice cream. i gotta make this stuff again!
saturday night i went up to Miss Aubrey's bridal shower!! yeah she is getting married! whit was in town from Kentucky and hosted it at her parent's place. i hadn't seen whit since we parted ways in Uganda and i was so excited to see her! haha her face when she saw me was so funny. we are just used to seeing each other with no makeup, in our chaco's and DI clothes. she looked awesome though and did such a cute job with the shower. it was a blast to see all the Africa girls who came and i stayed with Megs until 11 pm! we met Shey (Aubrey's fiance) and he is just perfect. Aubs, if you are reading this- i really am so happy for you! i think Shey is really a perfect fit for you and i can't wait for you to be wed (and live in provo ha ha). all the marriage talk made me a little marriage hungry, but whatevs. that happens.

on sunday i slept waaaay in. i gave a talk in sacrament meeting. i really dislike speaking in public. it probably stems from that public speaking class i had back in seventh grade where everyone gave me horrible ratings each class period and i felt like the biggest failure.  anyways the talk went good, i think. people said they liked it so unless they are lying, then it was good. after my church i went over to Heather's mom's house for the post-church gathering for Chris's baby blessing. i am sad i couldn't go to his actual blessing but the talk kind of prevented that. it was so great to see all my former 2110 roommates and their husbands there. sometimes i feel a little like the odd woman out, but for the most part they make me feel like one of the group. all the husbands get along so well that it makes me want to marry someone who will fit in with "the guys" too! the food was delicious, of course. Heather's mom is a fantastic party thrower, just like Heather. i probably ate too much fruit, but hey, it's ok because fruit is healthy. we talked about baby names and health insurance and birth control. yes, i am storing all this knowledge away for that someday when it actually applies to me. i love these girls. no matter how different our lives may be (school, babies, husbands, etc.) i know they will always love and support me!

on monday i woke up bright and early in order to meet my family for the drive up to Heber. we had a Thomas family reunion up at the Moon's cabin!! guys the reunion was so fun. i love my family! we played games- i only won one. we ate delicious comfort food (some of it was not so delicious... baloney and pickle sandwiches?). went on a treasure hunt. had a testimony meeting. after the "official" activities, i went four wheeling with some of the cousins and brothers. when i got back i went with Uncle Ron to go shooting. Uncle Ron just got a 9 mm Glock and he taught me how to shoot it. at first i was a little nervous- mostly it's the anticipation- but it was awesome! the worst part is anticipating the casing flying in your general direction. that is why you wear eye protection. Uncle Ron said i was a natural- which i take to be a compliment. i'd go shooting again next week! i'd like to try going to a shooting range and hitting a target- you know, like policemen do. after shooting i went on another four wheeling expedition. this was a little crazy! we drove through way deep water (probably a foot or so deep) and had some harder trails. but i liked it. Ben even drove for a little bit and did a great job! we all got pretty muddy though. that's a sacrifice i'm willing to make. i even got to watch a little bit of Iron Man in the theater room before we left. we were all pretty exhausted coming home. when i got back to provo i cleaned up and cleaned the house a little. then i watched The Birds. i got it from the library a couple weeks ago and have been waiting for the right time to watch it. i didn't want to watch it alone (mostly because my mom has warned me that i will pretty much be scarred for life after watching it) but since it was due today i had to watch it alone. i was a little scared, but let's be real- that blood is ketchup, the birds looked horribly fake, and the scared faces were cheesey. the ending was also cryptic. they just drive away and that's the end? no explanation or anything? i was disappointed. and no i'm not deathly afraid of birds now.

oh i also started reading The Help this weekend! it was a really fun weekend and i am sad to be back at the old grind stone. i have only one more week of "freedom" before i start the 2 week CNA class. did i mention i'm nervous for that? mostly just nervous that i will be exhausted all the time and i will eat unhealthy because i pretty much have to drive straight from class to work every night. please bless i pass and that i don't gain 10 pounds.
i hope ya'll had an wonderful a weekend as i did!

this place {impact school}

dear students, do not forget me, but more importantly do not forget what i taught you. remember that i believe that you can change your life! remember that i love you from across the ocean. remember that you are important to me- and to God. 

love,

Beka