confessions of a college graduate

//you move home. because after all the times you said you would never ever ever live at home again, it's really cheaper to live at home.

//you find that you left all your friends in Provo. so on your nights off you are bored, literally, to tears.

//so, you try not to have nights off. you become a workaholic. and when your patients ask you why you work so much, you tell them it's because you like money and because you have no social life.

//you thought you'd know more what was going in life after 5 years at a higher institution of learning. wrong. you are as confused by life as you ever were.

//your to-do list goes from "study pathophysiology" to "paint nails"

//you thought you'd have lots more money because you are living at home, but no, you're saving for your mission, so you are practically penniless.

//the gym is the only thing that is keeping you from going insane. and jam sessions with Skrillex.

//you go out to lunch- by yourself. and bring a book to read. because you don't want to seem lame for going to lunch by yourself.

//when your computer breaks and you don't have money to fix it, you feel like you are 14 years old, using your parents desktop. at least you know the password to get on the internet haha.

//you stay up late and sleep in.

//you wish you spent more time at the pool.

//that's pretty much it folks. welcome to the real world.

april. . . according to instagram and other things

i decided to get the flu general conference weekend. spent two days with a fever above 100.

celebrated Passover with family and friends

wished for it to stop snowing.

went to the dr. about stomach pains. got an ultrasound. not prego. no gall stones. diagnosed with gerd. gotta cut back on the ice cream :(

made pazookies.

skyped a lot.

worked 40 hours during finals week.

welcomed home my sister from her mission.

went to Pizza Pie Cafe with Hyrum. and ate lotsa pizza.

stopped blogging. woops.

bought a plane ticket to vegas.

cheered BYU men's volleyball onto a MPSF victory.

jenny moved to salt lake :(

signed up for my last half marathon until after the mish. (and i'm totes not ready for it.)

graduated from BYU!

yeah so that was april. now it's may and ya'll are probably wondering where in the heazy i went. but never fear. i've moved back home (oh the joy) before my mission. and i have a goal to blog at least once a week. also, let's play before i leave to Vancouver for 18 months. saavy?

oh haiiiii

i'm back! not that i was actually gone anywhere, besides doing cool stuff, obvi. but i haven't blogged in forevs. and since i promised someone that i would blog today, i'm doing it. first off, i think we should all recognize that it's April. March just flew by! and it's got 31 days. cray. i'm already loving April because. . . 

i'm blogging outside on my balcony, in short sleeves. this is epic.

also. . .

i graduate- from college, not high school- in 22 days!

my sister comes home from her mish in two weeks from this very day.

the sun shines in my bedroom window making napping so much more pleasant.

it's general conference this weekend. supes excited to hear the prophet speak!

and elder holland, of course.

and, the trees are starting to get little green leaves. 

spring really is here!!!!

i need to quickly report on how my March goals went-- look for April goals coming up this weekend!

accomplished: 

finish The Holy Temple book

finish 2 Nephi and Jacob (I actually got through Words of Mormon)

Get a B on chemistry test (83% baby! i'll take it!)

learn a belt song (in process)

met two knew people in the ward (thank you sushi sluts club)

save $100-$200 (actually saved $400. boom baby)

yes. i would say March was good to me. 

so i finished the Harry Potter series again. guys, i can't help it. i love it. 

also, this is my life. just sayin.

so that's my life. i promise that i won't be so long lax in posting. because i know you all check everyday to see if i've written something, and you are dying to know what the heazy is going on in my life. it's like a freaking novel.  or like an action comic book. i'm basically a super hero. like spiderman. i'm spiderman.

speaking of spiders, remember that one time i held a freaking tarantula?

why i'm excited

*i'm a debt-free girl. i had to borrow a couple hundred buckaroos from the parentals for this final semester and i just paid them back last saturday! i hate being in debt (even if it is just to my parents)!

*it's been pretty warm these last couple days. i know better than to be fooled and think spring is just around the corner, but the "heat wave" has been delightful!

*it's my birthday month which means celebration and partying all month long! i plan on having a spectacular birthday!

*jenny spencer comes back to Provo tonight. seriously, i love that you had fun in texas but ya'll should come back now.

*i recently rediscovered mac & cheese. guys, in case you didn't know, it's delicious. go out and buy a box or two, but not more than that because it's really not the most healthy thing in the world.

*miranda is this british comedy show that is HI-larious. like funnier than modern family. you guys should all come over and watch it with me and we will love it together.

*it's valentine's day this month. i don't really love the "day of love." in fact, i don't celebrate it. but i am making english butter toffee for my family as a gift of love! hope it turns out!

*i have class today and work. . . which means i won't be bored out of my mind all day. kids, stay in school! i'm not even graduated, but i only have two classes and little homework and i get bored! one day last week, i took two naps. two naps! i have the schedule of a toddler.

*ZUMBA tonight! if there is anything that is going to help my dance moves, it's Zumba. i love it with all my little white heart (especially when we do Waka Waka)

*thursday is sushi thursday again! love me some good sushi. everything should be tempura (fried).

*i've taken up watercolors. yes, painting. i'm not good, but it's very soothing.

*i'm eating leftover massaman curry for lunch. #getinmybelly

so yes, that's what i'm excited about this week.

what are you excited for?

january update

i do have a life and i do have some thought provoking (hopefully) posts coming up. but here's a quick update on my life! i'm taking five credits-- Chem 285 and voice lessons. so far so good. i'm excited to sing some Nora Jones and Adele in voice lessons. as for Chem, it's pretty easy so far. i'm working between 20-40 hours a week, trying to pick up as many shifts as possible without going insane. i like the big paychecks (and the fact that more money= paying back my parents sooner).
weekends are different now. i usually work Saturday and Sunday afternoon/evening. but i still have tons of fun! especially this weekend.

thursday afternoon after class (and getting a free manicure c/o BYU Women's Services and Resources), i went to the temple. geez, i love that place. even when my hair freezes during the walk from the temple to my car. later that night i went to institute with jenny. afterwards we joined Klemme and the Metz to go get sushi! we are making thursday night, sushi night.

we ended up at Osaka on center street in Provo, laughing, chatting, and pounding down sushi. i lurv me some sushi! can't wait for future thursday sushi nights! friday afternoon i went to lunch with mom at Zupas. i really love Zupas food, but i feel like they keep the place a little too cold. i would rather just get it to go and then eat it in the comfort and warmth of my apartment (where i can be wearing sweats and watching Lost and no one will care). jenny and i went over to the Smith Fieldhouse at five in order to get the best seats possible for the volleyball game against Irvine. guys, i had literally been looking forward to this the entire week! so what if i'm obsessed? we ended up in the standing student section (aka the ROC ... i think) which was a blast! our blind dates got there around 6:30 and that was... nice. (i have opinions about blind dates that will not be discussed in this post.) ok ok ok, the game was AMAZING!!! i have not screamed that hard or been so invested in a game in a long time. i love our boys!!! they beat Irvine! (for those who are illiterate in sports- Irvine was number 1 and we were number 3.) I am so proud! oh and we got a picture with Cosmo. he's cool, except he tickled me and jenny. i felt a little violated. but whatevs, i guess.

after the game, and i'd screamed myself almost hoarse, we headed back over to jenny's to meet up with ward friends and have a Seinfeld marathon! the best ever. serenity now!! Saturday morning i slept in. our stake had a Relief Society fireside and lunch with Hilary Weeks. i was so excited because she sings one of my favorite songs (that has gotten me through a lot). jenny and i went and sat with some girls from our ward. it was a beautiful fireside and i am so grateful i got to go! i worked all afternoon and evening. sunday was maddie's farewell (i worked with maddie at the Skyroom). she gave an awesome talk! she is Elder Holland's granddaughter and he spoke a few words in the meeting as well. it was such an incredible feeling to be in the same room as one of the Lord's servants!

sunday afternoon i made homemade pasta for the second time in my life. i lurv pasta and i lurv making things! perf! Strobelt, Ryan, Jenny and I made and let me tell you it was quite the job! it took us about two hours to get the pasta made, but it was so worth it! those people are quality. and, how have i been missing italian food? good thing i don't live in italy or i would probably weigh 200 pounds! i just wanted to sleep after eating, but i had to go to work. boo. luckily work was pretty chill. today has been a lovely chill monday. happy Martin Luther King Jr. Day! he was pretty amazing. his "i have a dream" speech still gives me the chills. i went to lunch with cousin Rachel at Pizza Pie Cafe. it was foolish though because half of Provo was there and they kept running out of pizza. they didn't even have Oreo pizza, which is the whole reason i go! whatevs. it was good cousin time.

tonight i'm going with jenny and ward friends to see Perks of a Wallflower. i am so excited! emma watson is my girl celebtrity crush. i want her hair and her style and Rupert Grint. and the movie just looks overall adorable.

here's to life! and adventure! and friends! etc!

2012 in retrospect

sometimes you just need spontaneous roadtrips with your roommate. . . to the middle of nowhere

got back into running and ran the Thankful 13

welcomed one brother home from his mission. . . 

. . . and one best friend home from her mission

shot my first gun

got my CNA license

and worked at a nursing home for two months. . . 

before getting a job at the Center for Change!

went to the Festival of Colors for the first time

lived in Provo for the summer, with the best roommates i could ask for!

celebrated random holidays, like National Hamburger Month

swam in a lake

helped throw a couple baby and bridal showers

turned 22

met Jef Holm at a blogger meet up

finished reading the Harry Potter series and officially became a Potterhead.

celebrated Harry Potter's birthday

threw my Grandma her 90th birthday party

went boating with some pretty awesome people

went hiking a couple times

ran the Fourth of July 10K with my brother (the rest of the family ran the 5K) and PRed

cheered the BYU Cougars football games, and attended my last game as a BYU student

had an awesome Halloween costume

voted for the President of the USofA

got my best college GPA this last semester and applied for graduation! eek

said good-bye to a lot of missionary friends

but most importantly i learned: that my Savior takes away all pain; that it's ok to admit that you can't handle something; to let Jesus take the wheel; sometimes you need to throw all your plans out the window and hope that the Lord knows where you are supposed to go; building up expectations is the best way the get disappointed; you don't have to be like anyone except yourself; those pint-sized ice creams are the best invention ever; watching six seasons of Criminal Minds during the summer is acceptable; you never know where life will lead you; expect the unexpected; keep your heart open and your head clear; communication is key to a good relationship; what doesn't kill you makes you stronger; there is no room for excuses; your family will give you good advice; it's ok to go out on a limb for love; no risk, no gain. know risk, know gain.

how was your 2012?

what did you learn?

tuesday is the new wednesday

some days you just don't feel like you can rely on anyone. i've said this once, and i'll say it again: sometimes the only way to get things done right is to do them yourself. not only that, but sometimes you just have to move on when people aren't there when you think they should be. because in all actuality, the people you think should always be there, will leave. and that guy you really like will stop calling you, for no good reason. and the best friend you swore you would always keep in touch with will move far away and you will only talk once a year. you probably won't get everything you think you deserve. you will probably still only pull a B in that tough class despite the hours of studying. you will probably still be single, even though it feels like the whole world is graduating college with a ring on their finger- or at least a boyfriend. and you probably shouldn't like your best friend's best friend because then you can never hang out with him without the guy you like there or at least in the back of your mind. and your relationship is totes different. and that sucks.

it's terribly frustrating.

so i was just looking for some snarky quote about being alone and how that's pretty much what life is. and then i was reading all these inspirational quotes about loving life, finding happiness, and serving others. and i felt really hypocritical. 

yes, i'm stressed. yes, i want things to work out the way i think they should. yes, i have no money. yes, i wish my friends would call me. yes, i wish i weren't alone so much of the time. 

but that is not what life is about! sometimes you do have to be your own hero. and you are alone for what seems like forever. but you have to remember that when you are down, that just means there has got to be good times ahead. and you will be grateful for those.

it's time to stop wallowing in self pity. because that just leads to anxiety. it's time to remember the blessings i do have. it's time to look forward to the celebration of Christ's life. it's time to serve and bless others. it's time to become a better me.

change you can believe in

no, this isn't a political post. i don't do those. not because i don't care about politics or this wonderful U.S. of A. it's just that i'm pretty uneducated about political matters, and politics always seems to strike some discord with someone, and it's really not worth it to get people all offended.
anywayyyys.
i cut my hair!!!!
i'm not sure how much i cut but i would say at least 5 inches. maybe even 6. i'd been thinking about it for a while, but after this past weekend i knew i had to do it. i needed to change something up.
please excuse how thrilled i look in the self portrait (after photo). this was after like a bajillion tries. i mean self portraits are just awkward right?

truthfully, i totes miss my long hair. i feel like i don't know what to do with my hair now. it's quite intimidating! i'm thinking i gotta go buy some biotin so it grows out fast again! (secretly i might be afraid that no guy will want to date me because "boy's don't like girls with short hair." but then i remember that i'm still the bomb.com with or without long hair.) 

did you know that i am more than halfway through the semester? thank the stars! this has been quite the semester and i have no idea what is in store for me before it ends. but i do know that my life is in the Lord's hands and that He will lead me where i am supposed to go.

[tangent: ah guys that picture of me with the short hair! i'm dying (of embarrassment). do i look like that in real life with short hair??? someone go get me extensions or something. i mean aren't before-after pictures supposed to show improvement? ah!]

TWO MONTHS from today one of my bestest friends gets home from her mission! i'm totes excited to go get this girl from the airport and then to have her back in P town! i haven't seen her since April 2011 which is such a loooong time.

January 2010

 and guys i saved the best for last. BIG ANNOUNCEMENT. i know you've all been waiting on pins and needles. i'm going to do a giveaway! i'm not going to tell you what it is yet because there is first something you gotta do. i'm not going to do the giveaway until i have 100 followers. yes, this may just be a sad attempt to get back into blogging, but really would love to reach 100. if anything i will feel like a "legit blogger." ha! so help me out and tell people about my blog and that they should follow it. i promise that it will be worth it :)

reason i'm awesome #692

not to toot my own horn but i found out today that i have "ideal" posture. (thank you orthopedic impairments and therapeutic exercise.)

now if that ain't attractive, then i don't know what is. (yet another reason boys should be lookin' to date me. i mean.... come on, that is hard to resist. right?!)

on to a more serious note, i noticed that i stink at posting lately. mostly because school is cray cray. i worked almost 30 hours last week and studied like a maniac in order to stay caught up in all my classes and get ready for my first pathophysiology test!

wow how boring can my life get? well let me tell you. i go to school around 8:30 and get home between 5 and 7. i eat dinner and then study more- i usually try to go up to campus again. so if you really want to find me, i'll be on the first floor of the HBLL. because it's much more peaceful down here.

except when they are vacuuming. cough cough

please excuse how terribly exciting my life is right now.

ps. i'd really love a good back massage right now.

reason utah is cool #423 [pioneer day]

in an attempt to be a better blogger, i decided that instead of sitting around being lazy and eating four cookies (too late for that), i'd write a post about Pioneer Day. that's why utah is cool because instead of just one holiday in July, we have two. Pioneer Day commemorates the day the Mormon pioneers arrived in the Salt Lake Valley. basically it's another excuse to go out and eat lots of food with your family and then have a firework show. i'm cool with that though. here is my celebratory (ha) day in a nutshell:
- french toast breakfast with my roommate and some friends
- hiking Bridal Veil Falls with Somers
- Pizza Pie Cafe with Somers
- chilling at Somers' pool
- Hunger Games with Somers and some other friends

in other news, i am looking for a job. this CNA thing is not working out. i didn't get any shifts for all of july and i am not scheduled for any in august. i can pick up shifts, but i like to have some normalcy and regularity in my life. oh and money is good. so if you know of any jobs in the Provo/Orem area would you let me know? i really will do anything just so i can earn money. it's getting bad folks and as much as i love relaxing, i need to save money. let's just say that summer has not turned out how i wanted it to. i wanted to save a couple thousand dollars and i definitely need the money. 

and there are other things on my mind, but i'm not ready to talk about them right now. maybe another day. i feel pretty good about this post. sorry if it's horribly boring. welcome to my life. 

news flash: i'm [becoming] a loser!

 for a large part of my life i've been an introvert. in high school i decided i was sick of being so quiet and shy, so i got out of my comfort zone and my bubble and put myself out there. i became and extrovert. since then i've been the girl that always has something fun to do on a weekend night (if i'm not working). i always have friends who want to do something fun and spontaneous. my roommates wanted to get out of the apartment.

last year i had roommates who barely spoke to me and needless to say, i got used to spending my weekend nights alone. i didn't make as much effort to hang out with people or get to know people in my ward. i did make some wonderful friends, but it just wasn't the same.

anyways now it's summer. my last summer of real freedom (next summer i hope/plan to be in an accelerated nursing program and then after that i'll be a real adult with a real job and no summer vacation). and i'm turning down invites and backing out of pre-made plans. i don't even know why i am doing it either!
. . .
because i want to hang out with people. i feel lonely sitting in my apartment every night watching crime shows. i dream of an adventurous, people-filled life. i feel like a despicable human being for blowing off plans today. really, i do.
so what do i do?
my friend daniel told me on sunday to do something crazy this week. well it's friday and the craziest thing i've done is buy a diet dr. pepper. pathetic. i need to do something crazy!
this is not a pity me post. or meant to be negative. it's more like a pep talk to myself. so here goes this little pep talk.
girrrrrrl, you gotta get out of the rut! off the plateau. you've been just floating along waiting for something exciting to come along. but you know what? you can make your own excitement and your own adventures! find people who want to do things you want to do. you know you are a fun person. you know you are pretty. you know you are happy. so be it. do it. if you want to have friends then be a friend. if you want to be happy then be. life is going to get busy- especially now with the new job and long 8 hour shifts. you gotta take advantage of every second you have to do something fun. remember that summer bucket list? you don't have much more time do check things off. so get your butt in gear. stop being lame-o. apologize to the people whom you have flaked out on. be yourself and get over yourself.

so go! climb those mountains! live the dream! take a trip! be spontaneous! be kind. serve more. make new friends and renew old friendships! take every second and live it. be real! have fun! dance freely and love more. 

xo, beka

ps. i have a mosquito bite in my ear. it's either that or a zit. . .

pps. check out my dating post from yesterday and tell me what you think!

thought on tuesday

*waking up at 6:30 to go vote makes you feel very patriotic, until the mid-morning/afternoon slump hits. then you just want to sleep. utah friends, did you vote? i think you should!

*the ladies at the polling booth asked my mom if this was my first time voting. i laughed inside, because my age is like the #1 question i get. i voted in the last presidential election folks. i'm gettin' old!

*kid skipped past my desk singing "if your finger's in your nose, take it out." so this is what they're teaching kids these days.

*speaking of teaching, working at a children's museum has instilled a great respect in me for moms and teachers a like. i mean sometimes i just want to strangle the little monkeys. (sometimes i want to strangle the parents.) you have to have a lot of patient to be with kids all day long!

proud American

coconut lime banana bread c/o somers

*i loathe public restrooms. loathe. there is nothing more awkward than knowing that someone is sitting a few feet away, in complete silence, listening to you tinkle. maybe that's tmi. i'd way rather go in the privacy of my own apartment.

*my coworker Somers is a magician when it comes to food. today she brought to work coconut lime banana bread. and get this, she just made it up! who does that? also, we started really planning our vegas trip- in two and a half weeks!

*i got a job interview at a rehab center in orem!!! please please please bless i get it- and that i have a good shift. and they let me have time off.

*i officially hate my hair straight. did i just say that out loud? yes, i did. i'm washing it tonight and never straightening it again.

*sierra invited me to the soel blogger meet up tonight and i got work off early so we're going! so. freaking. excited. slash i'm nervous because i'll be coming off an 8.5 hour work day.... not exactly my freshest look. but mostly i'm excited to finally "officially" meet sierra (even though we once met when i went to this, i am not sure if that counts).  who else is going to be there?

*i still can't listen to Call Me Maybe :(

*so there's this kinda cute boy at my work and we say hi every day. anyways. . . too bad this job ends on saturday and he is a pretty quiet fellow. update: we just talked for like five minutes. i mean get my number already buddy!

*i'm making peanut butter oatmeal chocolate chip cookies tonight. aka manna from heaven. i've also been craving pizza lately.

Sarah and a family we met in the Nauvoo Pageant in '08

spencer and some of his mission besties

*i was going to announce today that i'm going on a hiatus from dating. a sabbatical,  you could say. but i just don't know. i read this awesome post about leaning into discomfort and now i think that maybe i should keep "playing the game" as horrible as it is sometimes. because running away isn't going to change anything. and facing your fears (getting rejected, hurt, etc.) will only make me stronger. thoughts?


*supes excited to go home tonight and watch law & order: svu.  thanks lauren for the recommendation!