29 June 2012

news flash: i'm [becoming] a loser!

 for a large part of my life i've been an introvert. in high school i decided i was sick of being so quiet and shy, so i got out of my comfort zone and my bubble and put myself out there. i became and extrovert. since then i've been the girl that always has something fun to do on a weekend night (if i'm not working). i always have friends who want to do something fun and spontaneous. my roommates wanted to get out of the apartment.

last year i had roommates who barely spoke to me and needless to say, i got used to spending my weekend nights alone. i didn't make as much effort to hang out with people or get to know people in my ward. i did make some wonderful friends, but it just wasn't the same.

anyways now it's summer. my last summer of real freedom (next summer i hope/plan to be in an accelerated nursing program and then after that i'll be a real adult with a real job and no summer vacation). and i'm turning down invites and backing out of pre-made plans. i don't even know why i am doing it either!
. . .
because i want to hang out with people. i feel lonely sitting in my apartment every night watching crime shows. i dream of an adventurous, people-filled life. i feel like a despicable human being for blowing off plans today. really, i do.
so what do i do?
my friend daniel told me on sunday to do something crazy this week. well it's friday and the craziest thing i've done is buy a diet dr. pepper. pathetic. i need to do something crazy!
this is not a pity me post. or meant to be negative. it's more like a pep talk to myself. so here goes this little pep talk.
girrrrrrl, you gotta get out of the rut! off the plateau. you've been just floating along waiting for something exciting to come along. but you know what? you can make your own excitement and your own adventures! find people who want to do things you want to do. you know you are a fun person. you know you are pretty. you know you are happy. so be it. do it. if you want to have friends then be a friend. if you want to be happy then be. life is going to get busy- especially now with the new job and long 8 hour shifts. you gotta take advantage of every second you have to do something fun. remember that summer bucket list? you don't have much more time do check things off. so get your butt in gear. stop being lame-o. apologize to the people whom you have flaked out on. be yourself and get over yourself.
so go! climb those mountains! live the dream! take a trip! be spontaneous! be kind. serve more. make new friends and renew old friendships! take every second and live it. be real! have fun! dance freely and love more. 

xo, beka

ps. i have a mosquito bite in my ear. it's either that or a zit. . .

pps. check out my dating post from yesterday and tell me what you think!


  1. If you want to be real crazy and an adventure takes you all the way out here (Minnesota) you've got a place to stay :) and I can guarantee I'd join in on the crazy/fun/awesome plans, which would include eating a ton of food, taking a lot of pictures and laughing. Hope you have a good Saturday tomorrow!

  2. I have gotten to be this way too! I used to have a ton of friends and I used to do so much fun stuff that the serious stuff didn't always get done. Then I moved into a terrible ward and got too many jobs and took too many classes, now I'm alone all the time unless I try to make feeble plans with people! Ugh, I need a changing too!