why i take naps

if you know me, you know that i love taking naps. there was a time this semester where i was taking two naps per day. so i was basically on a toddler's schedule. what's wrong with that?

people who know me well, know that there is a time almost every day, where i turn my phone in silent, and nothing can wake me from my nice little nap. whether it be 30 minutes or two hours. naptime is important.

why didn't we take advantage of this while we were kids?

apparently there is a National Napping Day! on March 14. wish i'd known so i could have celebrated. probably one of the only holidays where you party by sleeping. i will definitely be observing this holiday in the future.

did you know that cultures which have siesta hours have lower rates of coronary heart disease?? a study shows that napping 3 times a week, decreased the risk of coronary heart disease by 37%! boom!

famous people who napped: Winston Churchill, Bill Clinton, Johann Brahms, Einstein, Margaret Thatcher and Napolean.

so you see why i nap?

it's completely logical.

it's not that i'm just lazy, and i'd rather get under my comforter for some snuggle time.

nope i'm purposely napping.

so i can be a genius and live forever. obvi.

napping is pretty great. 

just sayin.

so go take a nap today.

you deserve it!

because i'm really desperate for comments...

the last couple posts i've written have received like zero comments. now i don't base my worth off whether or not i get comments or not, but you know, i'd like them. i see that i have quite a few views on my blog posts but i don't even know who you are! do you know who i am? if you don't, or you want to learn more about me, go to my about me page.

after you've done that, please comment below with the following:
your name, age and where you are from.
also your blog/website url so i can follow you! (if you have one)
your celebrity crush.
your favorite harry potter book (movie if you have never read the books).
and any questions you have for me. (examples- why do you love ice cream so much? what exactly do you do at this job of yours? if you could be any kind of dinosaur what would you be?)


if i get zero comments it's cool. i will just figure that a bunch of robots are reading my blog so that i feel like i have a following. ha ha, but really it's my birthday month, so ya'll should be commenting!

oh and have a happy weekend!

ps. it was supposed to snow today and so far i have not seen a drop and my weather app says it's 46 degrees! heavenly!

pictures and inferences

because, let's be real, i'm probably the worst blogger of all time.

what did we learn?

be happy and enjoy the journey. i like snow right now. tickling can be dangerous (but enjoyable). i have hung mistletoe. i think hermione is the best. there is no one here to hang out with me- boo break. i may have thought of you today. i'm reading harry potter again. santa is a mega- creeper. magic- believe. don't give up because God has good things in store. Christ holds the little children killed in the tragedy in connecticut in His arms.

weaknesses, happiness, and cupcakes

the responses to my post on friday were, well, unexpected. let me be clear: that was not meant to be a self-pity post. however, in retrospect, i guess that it was. as i thought about the responses to the post, i realized that i have been more negative, down-hearted, and even cynical in the last month than i intended to be. i don't want anyone to think that i'm miss negative nancy over here! because i'm really trying not to be!
side note: on sunday i raised my hand when the teacher asked who hated snow, and i felt like a pariah. let me clarify: i don't hate the snow, i just don't like being cold for like 6 months of the year. i like being outside and feeling the warm sun on my skin. i'm definitely a summer girl. but the snow has been so beautiful! i will, in fact, write a post about the things i like about winter, to show you that i am not a hater of snow and all things happy.
 i haven't been nearly as negative as in the past when i've gone through hard times like these. my friend Adam told me back in april that i should not let my situation let me become bitter. i am not bitter i promise! i harbor no hard feelings to any person. but i am still imperfect. as i pondered on this monday morning, a little peeved at the reactions from people about my post, i suddenly realized how imperfect i am.
and it was humbling.

- i feel entitled. i guess you could say it's my logical mind, but according to the way i think, 2+2=4. but sometimes it just doesn't add up. no matter if i'm doing everything on my part, things don't always go the way i want and i'm not always going to get everything i want.

- i have a Scottish temper. last sunday my family was talking about how i got all the scottish genes in the family. it's probably true. i get mad and let it affect me. not good.

- i expect excellence from others, when i let myself off the hook so many times.

- i'm a bit prideful. i get covetous of things that people have that i don't have. going along with entitlement, i feel like i should have it because i'm every bit as good as they are and i work as hard, if not harder, than they do. (but if life were fair then there would be no poverty, no ill health, no differences-- and therefore no need for compassion!) i believe that i'm better than other people and therefore i deserve these blessings i desire. i believe that i'm worse off than other people and so i think that i really need the blessings i desire so that i can be happy again. (what an oxymoron right?)

- i use situations to play the victim card. i will blame my unhappiness on everything and anything but the fact that i might just been feeling a little down, or i might be a little stressed or grumpy.

- i want a timeline set out before me. i am a major planner. i have been working on trusting in the Lord's timing for a long time! and i'm still not very good at it. i just want to know how and when everything big and important is going to happen so that i can plan everything else around that.

- finally, i think i am the bomb.com. it's obviously healthy to think you are awesome person, but i realized that i had been so focused on what was so awesome about myself, and wondering why others couldn't just see that (see here) that i wasn't willing to see my own faults and recognize that i needed more than ever to turn to God and ask Him to show me where to improve.

now i don't want people commenting telling me how awesome and i am, and that guys don't know they are missing, and that i am going to do great things. because i already think that! no need to feed the ego. don't worry, i'm not getting down on myself. in fact, realizing these faults of mine has been a clarifying experience. a light bulb, or "Aha" experience.
something else i have realized is that i have all these faults, but i don't feel hopeless or helpless! in fact, i feel empowered! i know that the Atonement is real and that i can overcome my weaknesses. i know that as i work with the Lord, He can make my "weak things become strong." that is what i am hoping for. i also know that i will never be perfect. but God's grace will make up the difference for me! i don't have to be perfect, i just have to be trying.
i am going to work on being more positive. no more of these "feel-sorry-for-me-and-bring-me-ice-cream" posts. because life is going to be hard no matter what my attitude is! that being said, life can be great if i choose to make it so! i may be a bit antisocial right now because honestly school is really important to me and this is a crazy time of the semester. but life is good and i am determined that i can find the good! there are so many things changing in my life right now and in the near future. i don't know what to expect, but i expect that i can and will be happy- no matter what happens!
sorry that this is such a long post. but i felt it needed to be written. i'm not a negative nancy (most of the time at least) and i'm not perfect either. i'm always working to be happier and more excellent.

if you made it to the bottom of this post, go celebrate by eating a cupcake, maybe with a nice cup of hot cocoa or herbal tea. it's chilly out folks!

the best of 10.29-11.4

best text recieved (from Brock): "I have been listening to country music and know how to solve all our problems: alcohol."

best Harry Potter reference (besides the HP party): in group therapy on friday, our therapist was talking about how humor helps with anxiety and then said "it's like in Harry Potter they have those boggarts and Snape comes out and they have to make it funny and laugh at it to make it go away, or the boggart really will hurt them." Riddikulus!

best news received: i got an 85% on my pathophysiology test! my goal was to get an 84% and i got 85%! one of the perks of having no life is that i can get good grades. next test i am setting an even higher goal.

best shopping deal: buying a big box of goldfish crackers from Costco for only $5.50!

aaaand i was supposed to post this on Sunday... now it's tuesday. and the fate of our country will be known in (hopefully) a few short hours. i'm putting off studying by writing this last sentence. if Obama wins i might move to England. find Rupert Grint. and marry him. the end.

ps. another awesome thing about me is that i totes fixed our fuses today! our stove and microwave were not even turning on and i fixed them! my roommate said this makes me marriage material.

reasons i'm awesome #239, #367, #381

i know i probably shouldn't have to toot my own horn and tell you all how awesome i am. but i really think i'm the bomb.com.

#239. homegirl can cook. and by cook i mean i bake, make waffles, invent salads, and brew soups. just this week i  made the easiest and most delicious homemade soup. like really i made my roommate try it because it was that good. it was one of those times when you just created something so awesome that you want to share it with someone.

i know this is a crappy unsmart phone picture, but i paired this tomato zucchini oregano soup with some homemade whole wheat garlic bread and it was completely heavenly. you want the recipe? well i'm making another batch in a couple days (it's that good) and i might just dedicate a whole post to it. if this quality doesn't make me awesome then obviously you underestimate the goodness of food.

#367) i have great teeth. ok, ok i don't have the "ideal" smile (whatever that means). but i've got great clickers in my mouth. i've never ever had a cavity. my dentist says i have great gums. and i wear my retainer e'ery night. i even wore my retainer every night while i was in Africa. awesome or not? well, just ask my dentist!

#381) i got my flu shot! you'd think i'd just voted for the next president of the USA by how excited i was. maybe it's because they gave me candy. note: they should totes give you candy when you go vote! i bet more people would vote. since i'm sure most people take health into consideration when making friends/getting dates/girlfriends, i just thought you all should know that i will be supes healthy this winter!

and i reiterate- i am so fabulous that i just don't understand why the boys aren't just lining up at my door for dates. (or why i can't actually date anyone.) it's a mystery so call in nancy drew and the hardy boys. 'cause i want it solved.

reality check

a few months ago i wrote a post in which i mentioned something about people writing overly optimistic posts all the time. and how that was a little hard for me to read because i try to be real on my blog. let me clarify. it's not that i think people who write up-beat, gushy, optimistic posts are fake or are lying about their lives. i just want to see more than that side of their life. nor does my comment imply that my life is way serious and that i am not happy- ever.

the other day someone questioned my happiness. asking for the "behind the scenes of just american honey." simply because my recent posts have been more happy. i was. . . angry. and this isn't the first time this has happened. 

so, please, allow me to give you a quick reality check. i strive to be 100% real on my blog. this is a lifestyle blog and as such i write about a plethora of things. the bad and the good. i want people to realize that life isn't all rainbows and butterflies and unicorns. but, i hope that from my blog, you also see that life isn't just thunderclouds and flat tires and failing tests. if from reading my blog you get the idea that i am a chronically disheartened and depressed person, then i am sorry. i hope you will take the time to read the happy, fun posts that prove otherwise. 

i am a happy person. i have been greatly blessed in the last month and i feel like i have grown a lot closer to my Heavenly Father. i have struggled with things this last month too. i have made hard decisions, lost a dear friend, reevaluated my career plans, and begun to face some inner demons. granted my life isn't perfect. but at the same time, i really cannot complain. i  know that everything- the good and the bad- in my life right now is happening for a reason. God has a plan for me. i don't know what it is, but i am taking life one step at a time.

so please, if you can't handle hearing the good and the bad, then stop reading my blog. don't question my happiness (especially when sometimes i do just want to crawl back into bed and eat ice cream all day) because i usually am a happy, upbeat person. and if you think that my smiley face is just a facade then you obviously don't know me that well.

yes, this is true: 

but it's also true that life is great! i feel like there are exciting days ahead. and i know that each day is a blessing, not to be taken for granted. 

ps. look for an exciting announcement in the next few weeks!!

learning to love myself

i just got a new job. i will be work as a patient care technician at Center for Change in orem. i am pumped. ever since i heard about this place i have wanted to work there. i just knew it would be a great place to work. since getting hired, i knew that i needed to write this blog post- one that i've been putting off for quite a while, mostly because i didn't know how to say what i wanted to say. so bear with me.

i'm not perfect. i never will be (until i die). 

but there was a time when i felt like i needed to be perfect. 

i felt like i was fat and unattractive. 

i ate because i hated my body. and then i hated my body more because i was not eating healthy.

i didn't want to socialize with people, much less date, because i didn't feel comfortable in my own skin.

i was desperate for a change. i needed to do something to control the dislike i had towards myself. 

i started running. and the year after that i ran in three half marathons. 

i started lifting weights and working out more.

but getting more in shape was not what changed me.

and there was not one pivotal event that changed me into a lover of self. 

no.

it was and is a process. every day decisions. positive self talk. and loving myself the way i am.

but this isn't a post about how you can love yourself more. because that is something you have to figure out on your own. and i'm no professional.

and this isn't a post about how strong and amazing i am. because that's just awkward.

i believe that whatever doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. i believe that what was a weakness can become a strength. you can help others better when you face your struggles head on. 

i'm not perfect. but no one is. i know that the reason i got this job at this time in my life is because i am ready to help those who are at the Center. a year ago i would not have been ready. i know that because i struggled with body image and my relationship with food, i can better understand what these girls are feeling and thinking. 

i know that we can't just run around telling every girl that she is beautiful and hope that she believes it. that doesn't work. loving yourself isn't about what others tell you. it's about what you tell yourself. it's about accepting every part of you- the strengths and weaknesses. the beauties and the "flaws." it is about seeing the beauty in yourself and in the world around you. 

sometimes you just need a little treat. and so i may or may not do this. it's totally cool.

embrace yourself. love life. do things that bring you true happiness. go out and serve someone. laugh as much as possible. life is great! you are beautiful! 

For attractive lips,

Speak words of kindness.

For lovely eyes,

Seek out the good in people.

For a slim figure,

Share your food with the hungry.

For beautiful hair,

Let a child run his/her fingers through it once a day.

For poise,

Walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.

People, even more than things,

Have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed,

And redeemed; never throw out anyone.

Remember, if you ever need a helping hand,

You will find one at the end of each of your arms.

As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands;

One for helping yourself, and the other for helping others.

-Audrey Hepburn

an award

miss hailey gwilliam over at dreaming outloud gave me the "liebster award."

ok so what the heck is the liebster award? The Liebster Blog Award is given to upcoming bloggers who have less than 200 followers. The Meaning; Liebster is German and means sweetest, kindest, nicest, dearest, beloved, lovely, kind, pleasant, valued, cute, endearing and welcome.
thanks hailey for thinking of me!
here's how it works.

ONE MUST :
1. one must write eleven facts about themselves.
2. answer the questions the 'tagger' has set for you.
3. provide eleven new questions for the people you tag.
4. choose up to elven people and link them in your post.
5. inform the 'tagged' of this prestigious award.

Facts:
one) i have an irrational fear of smelling bad and not knowing it.
two) my love for harry potter is pretty ridiculous and i want to marry rupert grint.
three) my favorite reality TV shows (ie. the only reality tv shows i watch) are Biggest Loser and What Not to Wear.
four) i'd rather be caught in running shorts and a t-shirt than a princess's ball gown. i covet all things nike.
five) i always have polish on my toenails.
six) one of my biggest pet peeves is having people talk to me when i'm reading a book or watching a movie/tv show.
seven) i believe that living healthy and making the investment to have a healthy body is one of the most important things you can do in life.
eight) i get emotional over things like BYU football and Olympic sports.
nine) i've never been to las vegas- but i'm going there next week!
ten) i make countdown chains for almost everything- christmas, birthdays, homecomings, special dates . . . you get the idea
eleven) i really want to marry an athlete. like a lot.

Answers to Hailey's questions:
1. if you could live any book, what would it be?
harry potter, obviously. i would be the girl who married george :)
2. if you could get married to an animated character who would it be?
flynn rider from tangled. or dmitri from anastasia.
3. when you own your own home, what color do you want the front door to be?
something bright and welcoming- red, blue or green.
4. who did you spend the best day of your life so far with?
my africa crew- too many days to count though. i can't pinpoint a specific day. any moment i was playing with kids or holding a baby or laughing with the locals.
5. where do you want to get married?
the temple- mt. timpanogos, draper or oquirrh mountain.
6. what was your favorite toy/item as a child?
i really loved my American Doll- Addy. i saved up almost $100 to buy her and i loved having her. i still have her, but she is not in the best condition. the best was when me and my sister would play house with our dolls.
7. where is your ideal place to live?
i've only ever lived in utah, but i would love to live in Arizona or Texas.
8. if you were to tell someone you love them right now, who would it be?
my sister, Sarah.
9. what is your favorite youtube video?
hahahaha oh good old youtube. i love kid history (episode 1) so much that when i saw them at Seven Peaks, i got a picture with them. i also love jimmer fredette- court intruder.
10. what is your favorite disney song?
A Whole New World from Aladdin
11. if you could meet someone dead or alive, who?
dead- Mother Teresa. alive- rupert grint (so he could fall in love with me and we would get married. duh.)

My Questions:
1. what is your ideal summer night?
2. snog, marry, murder: Neville Longbottom, Draco Malfoy, Ron Weasley?
3. who is your favorite disney prince and why?
4. if you could leave on a roadtrip today, who would you go with and where would you go?
5. if you could compete in one summer olympic sport what would it be?
6. what is the number one song on your summer playlist?
7. would you rather live on the east coast or the west coast?
8. what is that one tv show that you keep watching as a guilty pleasure?
9. do you have a celebrity doppleganger? who is it?
10. what is one goal you want to accomplish in the next year?
11. where would you buy your dream wardrobe?

tagged:
sky
shaunzi
cami
madeline

news flash: i'm [becoming] a loser!

 for a large part of my life i've been an introvert. in high school i decided i was sick of being so quiet and shy, so i got out of my comfort zone and my bubble and put myself out there. i became and extrovert. since then i've been the girl that always has something fun to do on a weekend night (if i'm not working). i always have friends who want to do something fun and spontaneous. my roommates wanted to get out of the apartment.

last year i had roommates who barely spoke to me and needless to say, i got used to spending my weekend nights alone. i didn't make as much effort to hang out with people or get to know people in my ward. i did make some wonderful friends, but it just wasn't the same.

anyways now it's summer. my last summer of real freedom (next summer i hope/plan to be in an accelerated nursing program and then after that i'll be a real adult with a real job and no summer vacation). and i'm turning down invites and backing out of pre-made plans. i don't even know why i am doing it either!
. . .
because i want to hang out with people. i feel lonely sitting in my apartment every night watching crime shows. i dream of an adventurous, people-filled life. i feel like a despicable human being for blowing off plans today. really, i do.
so what do i do?
my friend daniel told me on sunday to do something crazy this week. well it's friday and the craziest thing i've done is buy a diet dr. pepper. pathetic. i need to do something crazy!
this is not a pity me post. or meant to be negative. it's more like a pep talk to myself. so here goes this little pep talk.
girrrrrrl, you gotta get out of the rut! off the plateau. you've been just floating along waiting for something exciting to come along. but you know what? you can make your own excitement and your own adventures! find people who want to do things you want to do. you know you are a fun person. you know you are pretty. you know you are happy. so be it. do it. if you want to have friends then be a friend. if you want to be happy then be. life is going to get busy- especially now with the new job and long 8 hour shifts. you gotta take advantage of every second you have to do something fun. remember that summer bucket list? you don't have much more time do check things off. so get your butt in gear. stop being lame-o. apologize to the people whom you have flaked out on. be yourself and get over yourself.

so go! climb those mountains! live the dream! take a trip! be spontaneous! be kind. serve more. make new friends and renew old friendships! take every second and live it. be real! have fun! dance freely and love more. 

xo, beka

ps. i have a mosquito bite in my ear. it's either that or a zit. . .

pps. check out my dating post from yesterday and tell me what you think!

things i'm good at

listening

remembering random facts

reading a map

planning parties

making to-do lists

eating my vegetables

keeping in touch with friends

writing letters

making cookies

doing my dishes

planning surprises

having fun

being a nerd

finding humor in life

rapping the entire "Airplanes" song perfectly

blogging (almost) every day

getting people to comment on my blog *wink wink*

quoting movies

eating a lot

loving harry potter

using the word "slash"

spelling correctly

cheering at sporting events

being awesome.

critic

every week i think i'm going to do a great and inspiring wordless wednesday, but let's be real, it's dying out. they say a picture is worth a thousand words but i just can't find one picture to describe how i am feeling this wednesday. you will just have to deal with 1000 words.

they say that no one can make you feel inferior without consent. they say to walk away from those people who treat you as less than what you are worth. they say that you should not be around people who belittle you. they tell you to find friends who love you and build you up. 

but you can't walk away from yourself. 

i am my own worst critic. in my mind i see who i want to be, but i also have a nagging voice telling me i can never do it. telling me i might as well not even try. telling me that it's really fine to just float along in my bubble, because i'll never be as excellent as i dream. 

i worry that i won't be able to run a marathon. i worry that i won't get into any nursing schools. i worry that i won't have money for tuition in the fall. i worry i won't get a job as a CNA. i worry that i won't get married because i'm leaving utah. i worry that boys don't like me because i'm not that "pretty girl." i worry that i will never get back to Africa. worry, worry, worry.

when they say life is a roller coaster, they ain't lying. last week was good. i finished Harry Potter. i was social. i went on some awesomespice dates. i completed things. i had purpose each day. i was the most me that i've been all summer. and it was GREAT.

this week. . . i stay up way to late. i've even been watching America's Got Talent and getting all sappy when people cry.  i sleep in. i workout, but my head's not in the game. i feel defeated, but without specific reason. i've been eating more sweets. and taking less care of me. despite sleeping in, i take an afternoon nap. i stay inside most of the day. i pretty much only go outside to go to work or the grocery store. i read my scriptures, but i don't really read. it's a horrible life. and i know it.

my roommate was talking to me the other day about how fake all the social networking sites are. people post their highest highs on them and so we see their life as "perfect." we compare our life to theirs and wonder what we are doing wrong- why we don't have that wonderful of a life. (and i agree that this is the catch 22 of social networking.) but when i think about it, i do the same thing. i don't want all of 

Facebook to know when i've had a bad day. i'm not about to post a less than flattering picture on there. i won't put anything stupid or immature on my wall. because i want the world to see my life as fun, exciting, and beautiful.

but this is not a social networking site. this is mine. so i'm going to write what i want and complain if i want and wonder about life all i want.

deal with it.

 and in all reality, although my life is wonderful, it is not always perfect. i am not always perfect. i get jealous of the friends who are dating awesome people- because i do not have that blessing in my life. i get jealous of people who run half marathons in less than 2 hours- because i've been trying to do that and it seems like they make no effort at all. i'm jealous of the people who are abroad doing service this summer; i was so happy doing that but i know i can't dwell on the past. i get upset at myself because i can't find the answers i'm looking for and it just seems like more questions keep piling up.

why is it that i am here in Provo this summer? when i wanted so desperately to be somewhere else!

and i worry about myself. because i know this isn't me. i'm not this girl! i like parties and being social. i initiate hanging out with people and i want to make lots of new friends. i flirt and go on lots of dates. 

truth is, i don't know what's happened. i don't know if this is temporary. i don't know if next week i'll be perfectly happy. (but then maybe the week after that will be even worse than this is!) i think i know what i can change, but i don't know if i can. and i honestly wonder if it will really work.

i want to take a risk. go cliff jumping on the edge of life. i want to face the darkness and come away stronger. i want to do things i have always been afraid of doing. i want the strength i've been looking for, to come, and to be here for good. i'm tired of the ups and downs. the roller coaster.

but that's life isn't it? we wouldn't appreciate the sweet without tasting the bitter. well, i could really do for some sweet right now. not the "Captain Crunch sweet" that lasts five minutes and leaves your mouth tasting a little weird. but real sweet- "creme brulee sweet" that melts in your mouth, that you don't need very much of to make you completely happy, and that lasts for hours on end. 

no matter how hard i try, sometimes the pain comes back. not just from Oregon Boy, but from all the rejection i've ever experienced. rejection from jobs. rejection from boys. rejection from internships. rejection from dreams. so it's hard to keep on believing. it's hard to keep dreaming.

it seems like everyone's "boat" is coming in. and they are boarding them- on the way to marriage, children, real jobs, grad school, a new city, internships- and waving good-bye, leaving me to fend for my own. it's rather demoralizing. saying good-bye and realizing that you can't just text them anymore and have them answer. or just go hang out with them. they have their own life. that you can't just get your five "fake sisters" together for lunch without going through major hassle because they all have husbands, in-laws, jobs, children. . . and you? you have an empty kitchen, where you sit, and try to fill your heart with something because it feels so empty.

i think i'm losing it. someone call the loony bin (or my dad) and tell them i've come to the end of my rope and need to get a life. but what do i really need?

a summer night around a bonfire

old and new friends to be there for me- not in a fake way but a real way

a voice from the Heavens giving me comfort

patience to wait for the good times

a day in disneyland

someone who can make laugh and not worry

(oh wait he's ^ in Michigan)

$100 to spend just on clothes

a haircut

a boat trip and night on the lake

motivation

money for projects

a winning attitude

money for races

someone to talk to- about everything

someone to serve

somebody to love

a sleepover on a trampoline

i think that's about it. i am my own worst critic. many times i don't believe in myself. despite all the great things i've done in life, i compare my behind the scenes with everyone else's best moments. i hate good byes and i hate seeing friendships put by the wayside. i understand that someday my "time" will come. i'm just tired of waiting.

as Dr. Suess said:

Things will work out.

"Except when they don't.

Because, sometimes, they won't.

I'm afraid that some times

you'll play lonely games too.

Games you can't win

'cause you'll play against you. 

All Alone!

Whether you like it or not,

Alone will be something

you'll be quite a lot. 

And when you're alone, there's a very good chance

you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.

There are some, down the road between hither and yon,

that can scare you so much you won't want to go on.

But on you will go

though the weather be foul

On you will go

though your enemies prowl

On you will go

though the Hakken-Kraks howl

Onward up many

a frightening creek,

though your arms may get sore

and your sneakers may leak. 

On and on you will hike

and I know you'll hike far

and face up to your problems

whatever they are.

i'm popular in the blogosphere

k really. i totally am. i feel super honored to have been tagged, again, for the 11 facts thing (this time by Cami). [Cami, i assume i'm the only Beka who follows your blog, but if not and you didn't mean to tag me then well, that's ok. i think you are cool and i'm sure i will have fun answering your questions!]
since i already told you 11 random facts and asked questions, i'm going to skip those two parts and just answer Cami's questions.

1. If you could have one signature dance move what would it be? I really wish I could do a really graceful leap- like in ballet. Or I would love to be able to hip hop dance for real. Signature move- crumping (obviously).
2. If you could eat one thing without getting fat or ugly what would it be? Costa Vida sweet pork burrito, smothered. I would eat this for every meal if it wouldn’t break the bank or make me weigh a bajillion pounds.
3. What would you tell yourself 5 years ago? Don’t count on things always working out. Take fewer credits. Get a job as a freshman in college. Be selective about who you date. Save more money. Take more trips. Make friends. Start running sooner. Don’t let drama divide a friendship. Learn how to communicate with others. Don’t get offended. Be happy no matter what!
4. What makes you cry? [As you may know I’ve been an emotional crazy for the past few weeks. . .] newborn babies (especially this one), harry potter, good music, hymns, weddings. I think that’s it.
5. Celebrity crush? Rupert Grint
6. If you had anyone's hair who would it be and why? Lately I have been wanting Katniss Everdeen’s hair, but I also love love love Gwenyth Paltrow’s hair.
7. Dream concert? Rascal Flatts and/or Lady Antebellum
8. Favorite childhood tv show? Arthur (duh, who didn't love that?)
9. How do you want other people to view you? As a loving caring person who is devoted to her beliefs, family and friendships. Someone who is passionate about life and does what she loves. Someone who takes risks and learns lessons from the bad and the good. A girl who is happy no matter what her situation in life.
10. What do you do when you are having a bad day to feel better? Go running/make and eat a sweet treat/talk to good friends or family/sleep/read scriptures/listen to David Archuleta or Disney music/ watch the “Keep Your Head Up” by Andy Grammer music video.
11. What was your childhood dream? I really wanted to be an oceanographer and work at SeaWorld. I also wanted to move to Germany and have 29 children. . . there is no freaking way I am having 29 children.

Eleven

brittany tagged me in this little game. i am excited! k seriously when i saw my name at the bottom of her post as being "tagged" i got butterflies! it doesn't take much to get this girl excited. so here it goes.

11 Facts:
1. i really like atlas's. i like geography. i like traveling. i like learning about other countries. and on roadtrips i like being the one with the map [because we all know no one is as competent at map reading as i am].
2. i am a planning freak. but lately i've been trying to be a little more "fly by the seat of my pants." i'll let you know how that works out.
3. i don't like american bananas. africa bananas taste like candy and i ate gobs of them. here they just taste like glue, and even tons of peanut butter can't make them taste as good as they did in africa.
4. even though i live 30 minutes away from my hometown, i get homesick for my family. this leads to facebook stalking, pointless e-mails, and feeling abandoned when i don't get to spend valentine's and easter with them.
5. i have my wedding completely planned out. its like juice concentrate- just add a husband, mix thoroughly and chill (aka live happily ever after).
6. i can eat as much food as most boys. granted, i choose to not eat so much food because (a) obesity is not on my bucket list, (b) my budget won't allow huge consumption of food, and (c) i don't want people to think i'm a freak for eating so much.
7. i have the biggest crush on ron weasley/rupert grint. for proof read here.
8. i'm probably a hypochondriac, for myself and others. if someone is sick or something is wrong, i listen to their symptoms, combine it to my vast limited knowledge of disease, and conclude that they have swine flu, a brain tumor, or celiac's disease.
9. if i could live in any part of disneyland i would live on Main Street, U.S.A. or New Orleans Square.
10. i really like checking the mail. even though the days of weekly missionary letters are long gone, checking the mail is an adventure because you never know what you will find.
11. i have a very complex opinion of the KONY 2012 campaign, Invisible Children, and foreign aid in general. [this is a preview of the big post with a promise on the life of my first born child will be written this weekend.]

Questions from Brittany:
1. If you could have a cat or a dog (but not both) which would it be? well, seeing as how i hate cats and love my dog, i would definitely say dog.
2. What is one personality trait of yours that you are glad you possess? i like that i am empathetic. i am sympathetic and feel other's pain as if it is my own pain. it has helped me be more charitable and understanding.
3. What is one physical trait of yours that you are glad you posses? i really like my eyes! i like their color (green) and how they look with make up (now that i am finally getting a hold of makeup. it's only been 8 years).
4. Would you rather sleep in or wake up early? that depends. i love sleeping in because i rarely get to bed before midnight and i rarely get to sleep in. but i do like getting an early start to the day and sleeping past 9 feels like a waste of a morning to me.
5. Do you have any weird quirks? i like cleaning, in fact i'm a little OCD about being clean. geez i know i have more quirks but i can't think of them right now!
6. If time and money were not an object, what job would you like to have? I would like to travel the world just trying out everything. is that even a "job"? I could be like Bear Grylls but without eating bugs and stuff.
7. What do you find yourself doing in your free time? i don't have free time. usually though, when i take time to relax (it usually is scheduled in because i'm just that busy) i am on hulu or pinterest, or cleaning my apartment, or reading a book.
8. Would you like to live in a big city or a small town? as a single person- in the big city. as a married person- in a smallish town, close enough to a big city that i have access to things like costco, the mall, and real hospitals.
9. If you were famous, what would you want to be famous for? Athleticism. no question. how sweet would it be to have people pay you to work out and do something amazing? plus, breaking world records/winning a gold medal/winning the super bowl/etc. would be so sweet.
10. What is one habit you would like to break? eating late at night. midnight snacks are becoming the bane of my existence.
11. What is one habit you would like to form? working out/running for more than an hour every day [this once was a habit but this semester has made it very difficult. i usually work out 40 minutes a day max.]

Questions for you:
1. If you could live in any part of Disneyland (Disney World) where would it be?
2. What do you think is the one thing that, if changed, would change the whole world (i.e. what is the biggest problem in the world today)?
3. What is your favorite flavor of frozen yogurt?
4. What is your typical Friday (weekend) night?
5. Who was your first celebrity crush?
6. When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you "grew up"?
7. What is your "secret" to success in life?
8. What do you want to name your first-born child?
9. What is the most spontaneous thing you have ever done?
10. When was your "awkward" stage? (provide a picture too if you have one! here is one of me below.)

11. What is the one household chore that you absolutely hate doing?

in NYC 2002 - please note that this is a good picture of my awkward phase.
 before the braces

I'm tagging:

Erin Barrett, Kaylen, Marlisa, Shaunzi

Write 11 random things

Answer my 11 questions

Write 11 new questions

Tag some friends

let me know if you do it so i can read your responses! happy st. patrick's day!

dear life {wednesday edition}

dear swedish fish, you saved my life today. it's true. candy saves lives. [and i don't even care about the non-existent 21 day no junk food challenge.]

dear elementary school children, i don't really dislike your invasion of the Bean. it just makes me stressed because you are so full of life. it makes it all worth it, though, when you are cute and say nice things like "excuse me" or "thank you."

dear spring, welcome back. i missed you [even though there wasn't even an official "winter" this year]. i hope you stay for a while.

dear christopher daniel stephenson, welcome to the world! i cannot wait to meet you. seriously. i want to see you right now. i am making your mom a chocolate cake in celebration of your birth. i hope you like chocolate. just so you know, your parents are the best. you are so lucky to have a mom who loves you, will nurture you and teach you everything you need to know. she is a great listener too. you are also lucky to have a dad who loves you, is a worthy priesthood holder, and who will help you become a righteous man. happy day of birthday (yesterday) christopher!

dear readers, i promise with all my heart that the big post is coming. pray that it comes tonight.

dear byu men's basketball team, i feel the need to publicly apologize that i did not watch the game last night. you see i don't have a tv and i knew no studying would occur if i watched it at the elms.i will be paying avid attention to all your games from here on out. let's take it to the top baby!

dear craig, i like how you introduce all the reptiles saying "this is my friend __________." we all know you hate the reptiles here at the Bean.

dear music 202, i never want to go sit in the jfsb for 2 hours. it kinda stinks. i mean i would rather study physics. and that's saying a lot.

dear weekend, please come faster.

via

extraversion

a few weeks ago, i took this personality test (thanks Cassi for putting up the link) and i thought it would be fun to a 5 post series on the results. here is the first.

I am an extrovert.
"You appear to be more extraverted than most people. Extraversion is characterized by positive emotions, surgency, and the tendency to seek out stimulation and the company of others. The trait is marked by pronounced engagement with the external world and experiencing more positive feelings than many others. Extraverts enjoy being with people, and are often perceived as full of energy. They tend to be enthusiastic, action-oriented individuals who are likely to say "Yes" to new opportunities. In social groups they like to talk and tend to be more assertive than others."

from a recent party

i kind of want to pat myself on the back or stand up and take a bow because of this result. because i used to be painfully shy. i didn't talk to people unless i had to. boys terrified me.
now i like to think of myself as an extrovert by choice. i can be very social and outgoing- the life of the party- if i choose to be. but i still have some of my intovert characteristics (courtesy of my younger days). i like coming home to an empty apartment sometimes. i choose to study by myself (because i get too distracted if i am with someone else). i can definitely go places by myself- i don't have be to surrounded by people at all times.
however the extrovert in me always wants to be doing something on the weekend. i will push myself to do social things even if it means no sleep. i like talking to people and making new friends. i like planning, throwing and attending parties. i like being around friends. i'm (usually) not afraid to be myself.

an angry post

i was going to write an angry post. about all the wishes i wished in the last 24 hours and how it is nearly impossible that any of them will come true. i even considered saying a few four letter words. shocking. i know. my high school friends would probably keel over and die if they heard me utter those words. so, in order to save innocent lives, i will refrain.
i was going to sit at work and stew. over the problems in my life. i was going to complain about everything i could possibly complain about. and then feel guilty because of the complaining. it's really a vicious cycle. and so not worth it.
so i'm not going to post right now at all. i'm going to think of happy thoughts. i am going to think of things i can do to make myself happy. i will probably make a list or two. i will remember that there is always a rainbow after the rain.
and i will keep my head up.

dear dating world,

i'm taking a leave of absence for the next little while. you see, it's not that i don't like you, i do, the timing is just all wrong. i'm just out of good byes. something has come up- it's called school. and caring about myself. call me selfish. tell me i'm never going to get married. deal with it. this isn't about you- it's about me. i need to do well in school. i need to explore. i need to live life to the fullest. i need to run. i need to start doing the things i really love. i need to be me and not care about what anyone thinks or about which young man i am trying to impress at the moment. it's not that i'm giving up. i'm not.
i'm waiting.
for the one man who will prove me wrong. for the man who will treat me like i deserve and will make me feel like the most important person on the planet. for the kind of love that ron and hermione have. the love that comes from true friendship and that works together to defeat evil. that love that makes you feel giddy, not nervous. for peace, not fear. for the jim and pam kind of love. the best friend kind of love. for the man who will chase me no matter where i feel like going, and who will be able to convince that his love is greater than any crazy scheme i can think of to escape. for the mr. darcy and elizabeth bennett kind of love.  for the love that i see in my grandparents and my parents. for the love that brings me, and him, closer to God.
so please forgive me while i take this short sabbatical.
because i don't have time to waste going on pointless dates with flakey, non-committal guys. or guys who think they are god's gift to women. or even for guys who just don't know what they want. you can say i'm giving up. you can judge me all you want (although if you do then you will go to hell.... just saying). my best friends may be married, but it's not for me right now. i want what they have, and it's obvious i'm not finding it right now.
so, unless there is a miracle, i will take a short hiatus from any type of dating. because it's kind of a joke. and it's kind of ridiculous. there are angry and sad things i want to say. as well as sappy and cheesy things. i will spare you. please, please, please, don't try to force me to date. i don't want blind dates. i don't want any dates. i just want some good friends, harry potter, school, and running. after all, when God is on my side, i know i will win.

much love [not],
Beka

ps. and NO i'm not going on a mission- so don't ask!

friday the 13th

you know that awkward moment where your nose tickles, your eyes water up, and you think you are about to sneeze?

pretty much every waking moment of this friday.

[ps. the only cures for this is instantly drinking water, making insanely crazy faces so that you don't sneeze, or forcing yourself to sneeze- only appropriate at home.]

i also hate blowing my nose in front of people. making it very awkward when you are at work and trying to find the exact right angle to face so that no one knows you are blowing. and then blowing so softly that the effort is almost completely wasted.

but. . .  i'm not complaining. nope. nope. nope. although it's friday that 13th and i'm sniffing away my day, it could be a lot more unlucky.

i think God is reminding me that he has a sense of humor and that i'm not gonna get what i want when i want it. there are just a few things he has thrown into my life lately that, although i may outwardly complain [because i don't want them at the moment] i'm secretly laughing because it's so ironic! but i'm learning. i'm trying to accept what God has given me because i know it's partly so that i don't make the same mistakes i have made in the past.

for example, i got asked out five times [yeah you heard that right- 5 times] this week. most girls are jealous and think i must be the hawt new item on the block. me? i'm a little exasperated, but by the fifth invitation i just laugh and text amberly, "guess who just got asked out?" they say god works in mysterious ways. chya. it's not that i don't like men or going on dates. i just want to find "the one" and get settled. no more of these cliche dating games. [but i'll save that rant for another post. . .]

on the bright side,
- it's a long weekend. yay for three day weekends, hopefully filled with functional anatomy, chicken noodle soup, sleeping and gilmore girls.
- i got flowers from a boy yesterday for the first time ever. this is epic. i decided i need to buy a vase in case that happens again. for now, they are prominently displayed on my kitchen table, drinking water from a plastic pitcher. i'm classy.

picture taken on my phone

- thank goodness for lotion infused tissues. my nose is red and raw from all the blowing and wiping, but i know i could be worse off. whoever thought of putting lotion in kleenex was brilliant.
- mumsy came and took me shopping today to get my exciting list of essentials: tp, kleenex, floss, garbage bags, oj, and chicken noodle soup.
- i successfully completed my first physics 106 hw with a 19/20. hw 2 is completed and will be submitted tuesday night. please bless that i continue to understand this! i like numbers when i know what to do with them.
- sometimes blind dates aren't all that bad, even if your general attitude toward dating is negative. they might change your mind a little bit.
- i'm applying for an internship with Make A Wish Foundation (aka my dream job)!!! I apply in March. The internship is paid and is in warm Pheonix, Arizona. pray that i get it ok?

yeah.

i think i will just end on that happy note. stayin' positive :) *sniff*