16 September 2012

learning to love myself

i just got a new job. i will be work as a patient care technician at Center for Change in orem. i am pumped. ever since i heard about this place i have wanted to work there. i just knew it would be a great place to work. since getting hired, i knew that i needed to write this blog post- one that i've been putting off for quite a while, mostly because i didn't know how to say what i wanted to say. so bear with me.

i'm not perfect. i never will be (until i die). 
but there was a time when i felt like i needed to be perfect. 
i felt like i was fat and unattractive. 
i ate because i hated my body. and then i hated my body more because i was not eating healthy.
i didn't want to socialize with people, much less date, because i didn't feel comfortable in my own skin.
i was desperate for a change. i needed to do something to control the dislike i had towards myself. 
i started running. and the year after that i ran in three half marathons. 
i started lifting weights and working out more.

but getting more in shape was not what changed me.
and there was not one pivotal event that changed me into a lover of self. 
no.
it was and is a process. every day decisions. positive self talk. and loving myself the way i am.
but this isn't a post about how you can love yourself more. because that is something you have to figure out on your own. and i'm no professional.
and this isn't a post about how strong and amazing i am. because that's just awkward.

i believe that whatever doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. i believe that what was a weakness can become a strength. you can help others better when you face your struggles head on. 

i'm not perfect. but no one is. i know that the reason i got this job at this time in my life is because i am ready to help those who are at the Center. a year ago i would not have been ready. i know that because i struggled with body image and my relationship with food, i can better understand what these girls are feeling and thinking. 
i know that we can't just run around telling every girl that she is beautiful and hope that she believes it. that doesn't work. loving yourself isn't about what others tell you. it's about what you tell yourself. it's about accepting every part of you- the strengths and weaknesses. the beauties and the "flaws." it is about seeing the beauty in yourself and in the world around you. 

sometimes you just need a little treat. and so i may or may not do this. it's totally cool.

embrace yourself. love life. do things that bring you true happiness. go out and serve someone. laugh as much as possible. life is great! you are beautiful! 

For attractive lips,
Speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes,
Seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure,
Share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair,
Let a child run his/her fingers through it once a day.
For poise,
Walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.
People, even more than things,
Have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed,
And redeemed; never throw out anyone.
Remember, if you ever need a helping hand,
You will find one at the end of each of your arms.
As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands;
One for helping yourself, and the other for helping others.
-Audrey Hepburn

4 comments:

  1. Oh, man!
    I'm so excited for you and I know I already told you,
    but really!
    You're going to be great, I know it.
    Not saying that being a tech there is all unicorns and daisies,
    but you're a strong girl and by golly, you're an Arnesen!
    Especially since you've gone through your own struggles,
    and you realize it's not ALL about the way the body looks,
    but also how one loves themselves and such thoughts,
    that's going to help you connect with the patients and help them.

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  2. This post is awesome. Thank you for writing it. I've been thinking about this a lot lately and I tried to express some similar thoughts on my blog but you did it so much better than me. Thanks! And good luck with your new job! That is awesome :)

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  3. Yes yes yes yes yes!! If there was one message that I could carry to girls everywhere (no matter if they have body issues or not, because all girls struggle with one issue or another), it's this one: that no amount of hearing that you're beautiful/wonderful/amazing/etc. from other people will ever really change your perception of yourself. YOU have to be the one to decide/realize that you are beautiful/worthwhile/etc.

    I LOVE that Audrey Hepburn quote. I used it in 8th grade once for an inpsiration quote display. It was by far the longest quote, so I felt a little self-conscious at the time, but it's such a great message! Congratulations on the new job and getting this new-found knowledge! It's very empowering, is it not?

    Love you Bex!

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  4. congratulations on the job! you will be so great at it, obviously. this post was really lovely - thank you for writing it. you are a ROCKSTAR

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