god be with you...

this will be my last post for 18 months. pretty cray right? my brother, Adam, will be updating the blog every six weeks or so with pictures and excerpts from my letters. feel free to follow along as i serve the Lord in Vancouver! addresses that you can write me at will be posted on "the girl" page.

as many of you know the decision to serve a mission was not an easy one. i am still scared beyond all reason as i begin this new journey. i feel so inadequate and that i will be the one doing most of the learning and growing. i'm scared for the future after my mission, but i know that the Lord will bless me because i am doing His will. i don't know much about teaching the Gospel to people who have never heard it. but i know how to love people. and i know i want to do what God wants me to do. i am scared, yes, but i'm doing it anyway. i know that i can do all things through Christ! i only hope that i will be able to touch even just one life in the next 18 months. 

until we meet again!

xoxo

i love to see the temple

i love to see the temple
i went inside yesterday
i felt the Holy Spirit
i listened and i prayed
for the temple is a house of God,
a place of love and beauty.
i prepared myself while i was young,
this is my sacred duty.

i love to see the temple,
i went inside yesterday.
i covenanted with my Father,
i promised to obey.
for the temple is a holy place
where we are sealed together.
as a child of God, i've learned this truth,
a family is forever.

i went through the temple yesterday.
it is a beautiful place.
it is full of love and peace.
i can't wait to go back and learn even more.
and i look forward to the day when i will be sealed there to my husband.

i am so grateful for my parents and grandparents who taught me to look forward to going to the temple and who prepared me for this great day. i'm especially grateful for my grandfather who taught my the importance of each grandchild getting to the temple.
i am so grateful for my younger brothers who are an example to me and were able to be there last night.
i am grateful for my sister and cousin whose spirits i felt even though they are serving missions and were unable to be there in person.
i am grateful for the sister-friends whose examples, friendship and love have helped me reach this point in my life. they truly are part of my family.

i am grateful for temples and for the love i feel there. i am thankful i can go back often and learn even more. i am grateful for a place where i can come and feel close to the Lord. 

a mission

if you are my friend on facebook, you may have seen some pretty big news last week. i apologize that it's taken me so long to announce it on the blog, but i didn't want to interrupt my series posts last week about eating disorders. so here it is:

i have been called to serve as a full-time missionary of the church of jesus christ of latter-day saints in the. . .


Canada Vancouver Mission!!!!

i report to the provo mtc on june 26, 2013

i've had a lot of questions since people found out i got a mission call (because i didn't tell very many people before it actually came). i want to answer just a few so that you know a bit more about my decision to serve a mission.

"oh, were you affected my the age change?. . .  i guess not." no i'm not 19 or 20. i'm 23. so i wasn't affected my the age change. but i've been hearing of quite a few girls my age and older who are getting calls. i believe that the age change not only allowed younger girls to go, but also re instilled the missionary spirit in girls all over the church. and that is why older and younger sisters are going on missions now.

"why are you going now, instead of having gone at 21?" when i was 21 i was going to uganda, and that was my "mission" at the time. after i got home from uganda i prayed for about a semester, trying to decide if it was right for me to go on a mission. i got the answer that i could decide. so i decided not to go. life went on. last semester i really wanted to go through the temple. but my bishop told me that our stake president wouldn't let sisters go through until they were 25 unless they were getting married or going on a mission. i was super disappointed because i felt like i had received a prompting to prepare to go through the temple. around this time my mom and my sister kept asking me if i was thinking of serving a mission. my answer was emphatically, "no!" i had a wonderful job that i planned to keep after graduation, plans for post-graduation, a ward that i loved and wanted to stay in, and looked forward to just having a break from school for a bit and taking advantage of the "good life." during christmas break i recommitted to improving my spirituality and my testimony. the first week of school i went to institute with my friend Bre (who recently returned from her mission to Thailand). as we sat there, talking about the Book of Mormon, a voice came into my head, as clear as anything, and said, "you should go on a mission." it was one of the most direct promptings i had ever gotten and i knew i could not rationalize my way out of it without consequences. not only had that voice come to my head, but in my heart i knew that it was right. i was freaking out. i didn't want to go. but i started my papers. and that's where the journey began.

"are you excited?" yes!!!! i mentioned that i didn't want to go. but that changed. through prayer, fasting and pleading for the lord to let me be ok with this being His will, i became willing to go. i was really worried, though, that when i got my call it would be to somewhere i didn't want to go or i just wouldn't be excited about it. throughout the month and a half that i worked on my papers and waited for my call to come, i prayed that i would be excited to go where the Lord wanted me and that i would know that it was inspired. i can't describe exactly how i know that Vancouver is right, but i know that it is perfect. the second i saw Canada Vancouver on that piece of paper, i just knew i was going to be so happy there! i knew that there were things in my life that prepared me to go there and that it was going to be perfect for me. even in research about vancouver, i am amazed at how much i love it already. i feel like i will never want to come home! i am also freaking nervous. i don't know how i can be an amazing missionary. i am scared to death of bearing my testimony and i feel like i am very "weak in words." i am going to be relying on the Lord a lot!

i am so very grateful for the friends and family who have supported me through this decision! especially my mom, brother and bre who let me cry to them when i felt like i couldn't go on a mission. i'm thankful for the missionary examples i have who have taught me the importance of sharing the gospel- especially my grandparents who have served two full time missions as a couple. i am thankful for the friends who had more faith that i, and who knew that i would be an amazing missionary even when i doubt myself. 

"i can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."

phil. 4:13

more mountains

guys.... this isn't just one mountain. these are multiple mountains. over and over. they just keep coming! it's like the Tetons of life. but remember that the Tetons are beautiful and majestic. recently one of my favorite quotes talks about climbing mountains.

is it so easy to get discouraged while climbing. you feel like you are doing everything right-- you have the good shoes (the ones with the steel toes that no one will ever look attractive in), tons of water (and yes, you have to stop and pee behind a bush every mile it seems), granola bars (the good cliff bars), the best sleeping bag around (it will keep you weather in -30 degree weather), and a hat to shield your face from the sun. but the hills just seem to be getting steeper.

when you are in the middle of climbing you forget how beautiful the top is. you forget that the last climb to the last peak was so worth it! and you forget that you are worth it. sometimes you just want to sit down on a boulder and not get up. 

but there is help and there is hope. there are fellow travellers who can lift you up! Christ in His love for you will carry you when you feel like you can't go any more. He will provide you the strength and hope necessary to finish your journey. as we exercise faith in Him and His Atonement i know that we will be blessed to climb the mountains no matter how insurmountable they may seem.

Every fear, every doubt, 

All the pain I went through; 

Was the price that I paid to see this view; 

And now that I'm here I would never trade... 

-Beautiful Heartbreak, Hilary Weeks

weaknesses, happiness, and cupcakes

the responses to my post on friday were, well, unexpected. let me be clear: that was not meant to be a self-pity post. however, in retrospect, i guess that it was. as i thought about the responses to the post, i realized that i have been more negative, down-hearted, and even cynical in the last month than i intended to be. i don't want anyone to think that i'm miss negative nancy over here! because i'm really trying not to be!
side note: on sunday i raised my hand when the teacher asked who hated snow, and i felt like a pariah. let me clarify: i don't hate the snow, i just don't like being cold for like 6 months of the year. i like being outside and feeling the warm sun on my skin. i'm definitely a summer girl. but the snow has been so beautiful! i will, in fact, write a post about the things i like about winter, to show you that i am not a hater of snow and all things happy.
 i haven't been nearly as negative as in the past when i've gone through hard times like these. my friend Adam told me back in april that i should not let my situation let me become bitter. i am not bitter i promise! i harbor no hard feelings to any person. but i am still imperfect. as i pondered on this monday morning, a little peeved at the reactions from people about my post, i suddenly realized how imperfect i am.
and it was humbling.

- i feel entitled. i guess you could say it's my logical mind, but according to the way i think, 2+2=4. but sometimes it just doesn't add up. no matter if i'm doing everything on my part, things don't always go the way i want and i'm not always going to get everything i want.

- i have a Scottish temper. last sunday my family was talking about how i got all the scottish genes in the family. it's probably true. i get mad and let it affect me. not good.

- i expect excellence from others, when i let myself off the hook so many times.

- i'm a bit prideful. i get covetous of things that people have that i don't have. going along with entitlement, i feel like i should have it because i'm every bit as good as they are and i work as hard, if not harder, than they do. (but if life were fair then there would be no poverty, no ill health, no differences-- and therefore no need for compassion!) i believe that i'm better than other people and therefore i deserve these blessings i desire. i believe that i'm worse off than other people and so i think that i really need the blessings i desire so that i can be happy again. (what an oxymoron right?)

- i use situations to play the victim card. i will blame my unhappiness on everything and anything but the fact that i might just been feeling a little down, or i might be a little stressed or grumpy.

- i want a timeline set out before me. i am a major planner. i have been working on trusting in the Lord's timing for a long time! and i'm still not very good at it. i just want to know how and when everything big and important is going to happen so that i can plan everything else around that.

- finally, i think i am the bomb.com. it's obviously healthy to think you are awesome person, but i realized that i had been so focused on what was so awesome about myself, and wondering why others couldn't just see that (see here) that i wasn't willing to see my own faults and recognize that i needed more than ever to turn to God and ask Him to show me where to improve.

now i don't want people commenting telling me how awesome and i am, and that guys don't know they are missing, and that i am going to do great things. because i already think that! no need to feed the ego. don't worry, i'm not getting down on myself. in fact, realizing these faults of mine has been a clarifying experience. a light bulb, or "Aha" experience.
something else i have realized is that i have all these faults, but i don't feel hopeless or helpless! in fact, i feel empowered! i know that the Atonement is real and that i can overcome my weaknesses. i know that as i work with the Lord, He can make my "weak things become strong." that is what i am hoping for. i also know that i will never be perfect. but God's grace will make up the difference for me! i don't have to be perfect, i just have to be trying.
i am going to work on being more positive. no more of these "feel-sorry-for-me-and-bring-me-ice-cream" posts. because life is going to be hard no matter what my attitude is! that being said, life can be great if i choose to make it so! i may be a bit antisocial right now because honestly school is really important to me and this is a crazy time of the semester. but life is good and i am determined that i can find the good! there are so many things changing in my life right now and in the near future. i don't know what to expect, but i expect that i can and will be happy- no matter what happens!
sorry that this is such a long post. but i felt it needed to be written. i'm not a negative nancy (most of the time at least) and i'm not perfect either. i'm always working to be happier and more excellent.

if you made it to the bottom of this post, go celebrate by eating a cupcake, maybe with a nice cup of hot cocoa or herbal tea. it's chilly out folks!

journeying

listening to this song reminds me that there is hope and help and love from God. i am encouraged to look up and take hold of Christ's hand. even as i am exercising every particle of faith i have, i believe He can make up the difference and make my journey joyful.

climbing mountains

i once read that if i had faith as a grain of a mustard seed then i would be able to move mountains. dr. suess enthusiastically proclaims, "kid, you'll move mountains!" i believed that with enough faith, grit, spit and duct tape i could move any mountain that stood in my way. i became frustrated when challenges and trials just didn't up and move themselves. i wondered if i was lacking in faith, if i was doing something wrong, or if just needed to work harder. 

over this summer i have come to realize that we can't move every mountain. not because we don't have enough faith or because we aren't trying hard enough. but because the Lord leaves some mountains so that we can climb them, and become stronger. 

how easy it would be to simply have every challenge vanish because of faith! but would that really be best? the strongest people are those who don't have every mountain moved. they are those who climb the Mt. Everest's of life and come out happier, stronger, and more aligned with God's will. 

sometimes when we are faced with mountains to climb, we feel abandoned. we wonder why God left us alone to climb this. we wonder why it had to be this mountain, because our friend's mountain looks so much smaller and easier to climb. 

but he never leaves us alone! he gives us tools and climbing companions to help us reach the other side. he knows perfectly which mountains will challenge us the most, and therefore help us grow the most. 

"If we have faith in Jesus Christ, the hardest as well as the easiest times in life can be a blessing." Henry B. Eyring

so don't give up! the mountains are there and they may seem daunting. you may wish for them to move. but maybe the moving is really a moving of you. moving closer to God. moving toward a better version of you. 

i know you can do it. keep climbing. he is there and you can make it.

joy as exceeding as is your pain

yesterday i felt like i was doing good and then i got upset again and wrote a really long (unpublished) post in defense of myself. then i went home and went to institute. fully planning on still harboring some resentment and probably publishing that post later that evening. 

it didn't happen.

and thank goodness for that.

at institute Pres. and Sister Samuelin talked about how the Atonement applies in Eternal Marriage and how we have to overcome the Natural Man to reach our fill potential in Eternal Marriage. one thing that stuck out to me was that eventually, no matter what hardships we are going through, we will have joy as exceeding as was our pain. despite sin, mistakes, guilt and trials, the Atonement makes it all right and we are given joy! another thing that i learned is that selfishness is the root of so many of my problems. selfishness takes, takes, takes and never gives. when we are selfish it is easier to commit sin because sins are ultimately all self serving! as a girl trying to overcome the "Natural Man" i do pretty good with the reading of scriptures, going to church, praying, etc. but i am selfish. perhaps this is because as a university student almost everything we do is for ourselves, or maybe it's just because it's easier to be selfish. but right then and there i decided to work on being more selfless. 

doesn't that lesson sound just amazing? don't stop reading though- it gets better.

i went up afterwards to talk to Pres. Samuelin. i love the Samuelins! i literally want to be them someday. as i talked to Pres. Samuelin, he looked into my eyes, and spoke things that i needed to hear. i didn't have to tell him everything that i am struggling with right now, i didn't have to say anything. he just spoke. words of comfort. words of wisdom. and i knew, i know, that he is a man inspired of God. i know that God knew that last night i, Rebekah Arnesen, needed to hear some things and i needed to know i that i was loved for individually, that God knows me, and that He has a plan for me.

i walked out, near tears, and speechless. something sacred happened back there. a feeling i cannot forget. and it was like a filter was taken off my eyes and i saw things in a better light- more happy.

later that evening as i drove down the canyon, singing songs and feeling the summer air on my skin, i remembered that this is what life is all about. finding happiness. being happy.

trials, problems and heartaches don't necessarily go away. but anger, frustration, impatience, and selfishness, those are things we can control and eliminate. i am so grateful for that reminder. 

here is to the rest of the summer. being happy. having adventures. and perfecting myself.

this is me and my Grandma Arnesen on my blessing day!

rising up

last night i had the great opportunity to to the Orem Institute's spring program about the Book of Mormon. guys, it was so good. i am amazed at the talents of people in this church! these college students wrote, prepared and performed an amazing and spiritual show! i was in awe the entire time. my testimony of the Book of Mormon, Joseph Smith, and the truthfulness of this Gospel was reaffirmed as testimony and truth were shared in word and song.

my favorite message was about Alma and Amaleki and their first mission. they converted a lot of people in the city, but the unbelievers were more powerful than those who believed. so the believers were killed- burned in a fire. it got me to thinking. these people were doing nothing wrong. in fact, they had recently become converted and changed their lives to be more in line with God's will. they were doing everything right. so why did they get cast into the fire? why didn't Alma save them (as he could have)? why did they have to suffer so much despite their good works and their testimonies? and then i thought about my own life. recently, trials i have passed through have made me ask they "why" questions a lot. i have been doing everything right. i have been striving to do as God wants me to do. i have been seeking to know God's will for me and to follow the Holy Ghost. but sometimes, bad things happen to good people. and God doesn't stay the storm. he doesn't slay the enemy. He allows His people to go through that difficult trial. i don't know or understand why the trials i am going through have come to me. but i do have faith that God has something wonderful in store for me. i love this song that the choir sang in addition to telling the story of the people of Ammonihah.

how great thou art

with so many thoughts and emotions running through my mind these last weeks, i have been seeking peace and comfort and direction. how grateful i am for a great God who brings me these things! I know He guides my life.  I know He gives me peace. I know He loves me. How great Thou art!

this is also my favorite hymn

a weekend of color

this weekend turned out nothing like i planned. but in a good way. when i left work on Friday i fully expected that i would be going camping in a few hours and then on saturday i would just study all day and watch a movie by myself that night. but sometimes spontaneity happens. and it's a good thing. i ended up going to a movie night with Adam and Jake and their Oregon friends who were visiting. i truly enjoyed it because (a) we watched Invictus- a movie about South Africa, Nelson Mandela, and rugby- which made me miss Africa and feel like i was watching my home on TV; and (b) because those people are all really stellar people! they are a group of individuals who know how to have fun without being dumb or crude (etc). it's good clean fun and i am so grateful that Adam and Jake are my friends! They are such great examples to me and i look up to them.
on saturday i went to the Festival of Colors! my first time ever! but i figured that since it is my last year in Provo and i have wanted to go for a few years now, that i should just go! it was a blast. i went with Jake and Adam's group and loved it. here are some pictures (although i'm sure like every single person in the blogging world is posting pictures.

i was covered in color. which is great because i think i'm a pretty colorful person! it took me forever to get clean. meh. it was so worth it!

later saturday night i went to Hunger Games again. don't be jealous. i'm just super cool (aka i know super cool people). it was great the second time around too! 

guys, sometimes life is good and then something comes along and it gets better. it's crazy. it's like a bolt from the blue- but good. my weekend was totally not what i was planning on, but God loves us and He loves to bless us! He wants us to be happy and when we are doing things right and trying to follow His will, he will send us experiences, things and people that make us even happier.

finally, i went to a fireside for Vocal Point tonight. it was amazing! they sang one of my most favorite songs. it is a prayer. it is my prayer. enjoy!

perspective

sometimes, like last night, i get down and feel like the world is out to get me.
i ask, "why me?"
my focus turns completely and totally inward.
and it's selfish.
then i read this talk. we talked about putting off the natural man in institute last week and president samuelin quoted a lot from this talk. i finally got around to reading it last night and boy did it put my life into perspective!
i don't like to think that i am a selfish person. but sometimes i am.
sometimes i don't like to see others succeed, when i feel like i am not.
sometimes i don't rejoice in the happiness of others.
sometimes i make myself look better than i am.
sometimes i am more anxious about my well being than the well being of others.
sometimes i don't like it when others have the spotlight
sometimes i think people have ulterior motives for everything
sometimes i am not sincere.

but, i am going in the right direction! i know that my desire to overcome this selfishness is a sign that i will overcome my natural man. i know that God will help me.

words of wisdom wednesday

with a lot of things weighing on my mind i have been praying almost constantly. sometimes it gets frustrating waiting for an answer don't you agree? i just want a lightning bolt to come down or some writing to appear on the wall telling me everything i need to know about decisions and my life for the next ten years (at least). but i need to remember that my prayers are not the only one's going up to heaven. other people are looking for answers too. i want to be the person who is an answer to someone else's prayer. i want to be the person who is more worried about helping others than about her own problems. i want to be more Christlike.

grateful

in all the hustle and bustle of christmas [and really, life in general] it's easy to forget to be thankful. i just keep thinking about all the things i need. we make christmas lists. tell santa what we want. and then forget what we already have! the First Presidency message this month is on gratitude. i read it the first day i got the Ensign and re-read it today at work. at the end there is a challenge to write down 100 things you are grateful for- divided into 10 sections of 10. i'm gonna do it, so here goes! [if you are feeling grateful, or ungrateful, take a moment and do at least one of these sections. it'll brighten you day!

10 physical abilities you are grateful for:
- breathing
- singing
- running
- that i can do a headstand in yoga
- that i'm waaaay above the 90th percentile for leg press
- that i'm not allergic to any foods
- that i can fast once a month
- posable thumbs and fingers so i can write, play music, etc.
- the ability to stand and walk!
- the sense of smell

10 material possessions you are grateful for:
- my ipod
- my laptop
- painting from Africa
- space heater in my room
- shabby apple dress
- yummy smelling perfume
- blender
- my cell phone
- scriptures
- chacos

10 living people you are grateful for:
- my mom
- my dad
- grandparents
- Adam (brother)
- Adam Mikklesen
- Kendra Clark
- Spencer (brother)
- Heather Stephenson
- Abby Robertson
- Jake Loveland

10 deceased people you are grateful for:
- Mother Teresa
- Joseph Smith
- Christ (does he count? i guess He is living)
- Gordon B. Hinckley
-  Winston Churchill
- George Washington
- Abraham Lincoln
- Joan of Arc
- Has Christian Monson
- Chad Pinkston

10 things about nature you are grateful for:
- colors of fall leaves
- the smell of spring in the air
- Sipi falls
- the Nile
- the Savannah
- rainy days (never thought i'd say that!)
- freshly fallen snow
- hot summer days
- lake powell
- mount timp

10 things about today (12/20) you are grateful for:
- breakfast of cheerios and strawberries
- nice people at work
- 5 days to Christmas!
- David archuleta singing in the background at work
- going on a date tonight to Temple Square
- letters from Sarah and Spencer
- having a great job
- having Santa call me twice, leaving two messages
- watching Merry Madagascar with Daniel
- sweet deals on cute clothes at Plato's Closet

10 places on earth you are grateful for:
- my home
- all the temples
- Temple Square at Christmas (and every other time)
- Nauvoo
- Sipi Falls
- Disneyland
- Lake Powell
- London
- Grandparents house
- BYU football stadium

10 modern inventions you are grateful for:
- a water heater
- soap
- internet
- AC and heater in cars
- electricity that stays on all day
- democratic governments
- stoves and ovens
- dishwasher
- hand sanitizer
- peanut butter

10 foods you are grateful for:
- wheat tortillas
- ice cream
- dark chocolate
- gatorade
- hummus
- strawberries
- pomegranates
- cucumbers
- cottage cheese
- frozen yogurt

10 things about the Gospel you are grateful for:
- knowing that families are forever
- the happiness it brings me
- the scriptures
- knowing i can pray and be answered
- missionary work
- that service is such a big part of the Gospel
- knowing that Christ knows exactly what i am going through
- knowing that the trial of faith comes before the blessing
- knowing that there is life after death
- having a living Prophet

a discovery

remember this post? i've been feeling like something is missing in my life. i want so badly to align my life with God's will for me, but I've been very unsure of how to do so. as a result, i've continued to do the things i have made habits. i've read my patriarchal blessing more than ever before. really trying to see and feel what they Lord would have me do to fulfill my "mission" here on earth. prayer has become an even more integral part of my daily activities. i have a goal to go to the temple every week until i leave for Africa.
i haven't had any strokes of inspiration concerning where i am supposed to go, or what i am supposed to do with life. but yesterday, in d&c something came to mind. we were studying "the new and everlasting covenant of marriage." suddenly i realized- i want to get to the celestial kingdom! not to toot my own horn, but i am basically doing everything in order to attain that privilege. i'm not perfect by any means, but i am keeping the covenants i've made to the best of my ability. the only step that i can take to help me progress further is marriage! um yeah crazy right? i have never been one to think that i need to get married right away- i'm still not. but i do realize that i need eternal marriage to progress to godhood. wow.
i'm so grateful for the holy ghost and his promptings! i hope i can follow his promptings to lead me where i am supposed to go and to meet the people i need to meet.

"For God has not given us the Spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind" 

2 Timothy 1:7

i know i don't talk about my dating life on this blog. but this principle of fear vs faith comes to play in weird situations. in recent experience i have learned that after coming out of a "bad" dating relationship (one where there was no trust), it is very difficult to trust again. i have struggled this semester as I have made friends, in letting myself trust them. i have been afraid to put myself into a situation where i could get hurt. in these last couple of weeks i have had to come face to face with my fears. its been tough and challenging. it is so hard to let go of your fear. however, i am realizing that fear can cripple you. if you do not show fear that your love and faith is stronger than it is, then fear will crush your love and faith! my sister-in-law texted me this amazing scripture. God does not give us fear. He fights fear with power (the power of truth, priesthood and Gospel), love (His love and our love), and of a sound mind (the simplicity and beauty of Gospel truths). Like President Roosevelt said to America during the scary times of World War Two, the only thing I have to fear "is fear itself."  I also found this wonderful talk by President Hinckley. I am so grateful for prophets and their inspired words! i feel much less afraid now.

What are some fears (real ones) that you have had? And how have you conquered them???

remembrance

have you ever felt forgotten? alone? like there is no one out there who loves you? i have! one of my favorite parts of reading the Book of Mormon over and over is that I learn new things about God and myself each time! today, I read these verses:

Sing, O heavens; and be joyful, O earth; for the feet of those who are in the east shall be established; and break forth into singing, O mountains; for they shall be smitten no more; for the Lord hath comforted his people, and will have mercy upon his afflicted.

But, behold, Zion hath said: The Lord hath forsaken me, and my Lord hath forgotten me—but he will show that he hath not.

For can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? Yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee, O house of Israel.

Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me.

1 Nephi 21:13-16

the last time i read the BOM, I felt alone and like God didn't always remember me. I had to remind myself that He does always remember me. today when i read it, i pondered over how the Lord shows me that I am not forgotten. I realized that I have not felt forgotten by Him in such a long time! I know he is there! I recognize His hand in my life every day! He gives me sunshine on a winter day. He gives me wonderful girls in my Relief Society Presidency. He gives me parents who love me and support me in all my crazy ideas and aspirations. He gives me good friends who let me tag along in everything they do. He gives warm[ish] weather in January so that I can go running outside. He helps me understand the things I am learning in Genetics, Stats and Physiology. He has given me a wonderful Bishopbric and ward that builds me up. Yes, I know Heavenly Father loves me- because His love is everywhere around me.

He does not forget you! He knows you intimately! He is blessing you- don't forget that he is cheering for you! Pray to know of His love. He is manifest it to you in ways you cannot even imagine.

I know this is true.

day 10. songs you listen to when happy, mad, sad, etc.

since today is Sunday, I want to talk about some of my favorite comfort songs- the beautiful hymns and church songs. here are a few of my favorites:

Jesus, Once of Humble Birth
How Firm a Foundation
Praise to the Man
I am His Daughter (from EFY 2010 cd)
I Will Not be Still (from EFY 2010 cd)
Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing
My Shepherd will Supply My Need
Be Thou My Vision (MOTAB cd: Heavensong)
What Heaven Sees in You (from EFY 2006 cd)
Lux Aurumque (by Whitacre)

there are many many more Sabbath Hymns that I love. What are some of your favorites?

"the song of a righteous is a prayer unto me"

post #3124542 of the christmas break

today,

i sorta feel like charlie brown.

"Rats. Nobody sent me a Christmas card today. I almost wish there weren't a holiday season. I know nobody likes me. Why do we have to have a holiday season to emphasize it?"

"I think there must be something wrong with me, Linus. Christmas is coming, but I'm not happy. I don't feel the way I'm supposed to feel."

i think, like little ol' Charlie, i need a Linus, or a Christmas Miracle, to help me remember the real reason for the season.
"Sure, Charlie Brown, I can tell you what Christmas is all about.

"And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, 'Fear not: for behold, I bring unto you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the City of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.' And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host, praising God, and saying, 'Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.'""That's what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown. "

random kindness

well after one of the hardest weeks of my life, i have decided i need to reflect on the good things that have happened- especially the random kindnesses. the tender mercies. basically here's a thank you.

to the guys who saw me and debi walking up to campus saturday night and told us we looked beautiful. thank you. how could you have known that your simple words meant so much? they reminded me that i am beautiful. that kindness still exists. that boys can be very sweet.

to Becca, the girl who decided we should be friends because we were walking home from church at the same time: i am so grateful that you reached out and said hello. you have a beautiful smile. i really think i will come visit you at cox 33. i am so glad you are from mountain crest high school. i am so glad you are friendly. you reminded me that the lord is looking out for me. that he sends angels in form of strangers sometimes. that i need to reach out and look for people to lift.

to Sam: thanks for understanding me girl. you are a great therapy. i feel like we think/feel along the same lines. you are beautiful and so funny! thank you for your goodness, and your love. those boys do not know what they are missing!

this week i am going to be more faithful. more thankful. more patient. more trusting. more hopeful.