guys.... this isn't just one mountain. these are multiple mountains. over and over. they just keep coming! it's like the Tetons of life. but remember that the Tetons are beautiful and majestic. recently one of my favorite quotes talks about climbing mountains.
is it so easy to get discouraged while climbing. you feel like you are doing everything right-- you have the good shoes (the ones with the steel toes that no one will ever look attractive in), tons of water (and yes, you have to stop and pee behind a bush every mile it seems), granola bars (the good cliff bars), the best sleeping bag around (it will keep you weather in -30 degree weather), and a hat to shield your face from the sun. but the hills just seem to be getting steeper.
when you are in the middle of climbing you forget how beautiful the top is. you forget that the last climb to the last peak was so worth it! and you forget that you are worth it. sometimes you just want to sit down on a boulder and not get up.
but there is help and there is hope. there are fellow travellers who can lift you up! Christ in His love for you will carry you when you feel like you can't go any more. He will provide you the strength and hope necessary to finish your journey. as we exercise faith in Him and His Atonement i know that we will be blessed to climb the mountains no matter how insurmountable they may seem.
some thoughts about storms, in the wake of hurricane sandy.
we all go through storms. they constantly rage around us.
sickness. bad grades. disappointing relationships. break ups. loss of jobs. sadness.
it is so easy to get tossed around in these storms.
lately i have felt like this. like i'm being tossed around in this storm- like i'm simply drifting in the sea of BYU students.
i have left lost and hopeless.
but there is hope!
when Christ died, there was a huge storm in the America's. there was no light for 3 days and 3 nights! pitch blackness! but when the light came, the people were focused on the Son. they were ready to see him. the storm had refined them and humbled them enough to be able to see and visit with the Savior.
one stormy night on the Sea of Galilee, the apostles were rocked by the storm, when they saw walking toward them, a man- Christ. Peter, the only one brave enough to step out on the water when the Savior called to them. he walked a few steps- on the water! but then he stopped, looked around, and realized he was in the middle of the Sea, surrounded by crashing waves, with thunder cracking and lightning blazing around. he could die! he looked away and began to sink, into the storm. as he cried out in fear, the Savior caught hold of his hand. and He lifted Peter to safety.
storms are dark. they are scary. they seem hopeless sometimes.
but Christ is there. He will help us.
focus on Him. keep your eyes on His loving face! He will never let you sink. He knows what this storm is preparing you for. He knows the blessings in store for you.
"Our only hope and peace in both physical and spiritual storms is the Savior."
(Sister Sarah Arnesen, serving and LDS mission in Cleveland, Ohio- after Hurricane Sandy)
thank you Sarah for your inspired insight! I really needed this today!
in the last few days, i have been blessed with tender mercies. small things that have helped me, that have prevented me from falling into a pit of sadness and despair. things like getting to go to the football game, having an interview at the desired workplace, happy songs on the radio, mormon messages, feeling mostly at peace, meeting cute boys. i know these are all small and maybe even insignificant, but to me, they are important.
i wondered if i had done the right thing. and honestly, i think that i did. i prayed about this for a long time. i prayed to know if my feelings were correct- and i felt at peace. i prayed to be led to know how to handle the situation- and i was. i have to believe that despite the change and the sadness that there are better days ahead.
“Some blessings come soon, some come late, and some don't come until heaven; but for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come.” Elder Jeffrey R. Holland
so it's time to move on. to embrace the exciting and unknown days ahead. i may have lost a best friend and had my heart broken, but i know doors will open. and i am a tiny bit excited for that. i honestly have no idea where this school year will lead me. but i know that with the Lord anything is possible!
with so many thoughts and emotions running through my mind these last weeks, i have been seeking peace and comfort and direction. how grateful i am for a great God who brings me these things! I know He guides my life. I know He gives me peace. I know He loves me. How great Thou art!
this weekend turned out nothing like i planned. but in a good way. when i left work on Friday i fully expected that i would be going camping in a few hours and then on saturday i would just study all day and watch a movie by myself that night. but sometimes spontaneity happens. and it's a good thing. i ended up going to a movie night with Adam and Jake and their Oregon friends who were visiting. i truly enjoyed it because (a) we watched Invictus- a movie about South Africa, Nelson Mandela, and rugby- which made me miss Africa and feel like i was watching my home on TV; and (b) because those people are all really stellar people! they are a group of individuals who know how to have fun without being dumb or crude (etc). it's good clean fun and i am so grateful that Adam and Jake are my friends! They are such great examples to me and i look up to them.
on saturday i went to the Festival of Colors! my first time ever! but i figured that since it is my last year in Provo and i have wanted to go for a few years now, that i should just go! it was a blast. i went with Jake and Adam's group and loved it. here are some pictures (although i'm sure like every single person in the blogging world is posting pictures.
i was covered in color. which is great because i think i'm a pretty colorful person! it took me forever to get clean. meh. it was so worth it!
later saturday night i went to Hunger Games again. don't be jealous. i'm just super cool (aka i know super cool people). it was great the second time around too!
guys, sometimes life is good and then something comes along and it gets better. it's crazy. it's like a bolt from the blue- but good. my weekend was totally not what i was planning on, but God loves us and He loves to bless us! He wants us to be happy and when we are doing things right and trying to follow His will, he will send us experiences, things and people that make us even happier.
finally, i went to a fireside for Vocal Point tonight. it was amazing! they sang one of my most favorite songs. it is a prayer. it is my prayer. enjoy!
sometimes, like last night, i get down and feel like the world is out to get me.
i ask, "why me?"
my focus turns completely and totally inward.
and it's selfish.
then i read this talk. we talked about putting off the natural man in institute last week and president samuelin quoted a lot from this talk. i finally got around to reading it last night and boy did it put my life into perspective!
i don't like to think that i am a selfish person. but sometimes i am.
sometimes i don't like to see others succeed, when i feel like i am not.
sometimes i don't rejoice in the happiness of others.
sometimes i make myself look better than i am.
sometimes i am more anxious about my well being than the well being of others.
sometimes i don't like it when others have the spotlight
sometimes i think people have ulterior motives for everything
sometimes i am not sincere.
but, i am going in the right direction! i know that my desire to overcome this selfishness is a sign that i will overcome my natural man. i know that God will help me.
05 April 2011
"For God has not given us the Spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind"
2 Timothy 1:7
i know i don't talk about my dating life on this blog. but this principle of fear vs faith comes to play in weird situations. in recent experience i have learned that after coming out of a "bad" dating relationship (one where there was no trust), it is very difficult to trust again. i have struggled this semester as I have made friends, in letting myself trust them. i have been afraid to put myself into a situation where i could get hurt. in these last couple of weeks i have had to come face to face with my fears. its been tough and challenging. it is so hard to let go of your fear. however, i am realizing that fear can cripple you. if you do not show fear that your love and faith is stronger than it is, then fear will crush your love and faith! my sister-in-law texted me this amazing scripture. God does not give us fear. He fights fear with power (the power of truth, priesthood and Gospel), love (His love and our love), and of a sound mind (the simplicity and beauty of Gospel truths). Like President Roosevelt said to America during the scary times of World War Two, the only thing I have to fear "is fear itself." I also found this wonderful talk by President Hinckley. I am so grateful for prophets and their inspired words! i feel much less afraid now.
What are some fears (real ones) that you have had? And how have you conquered them???
have you ever felt forgotten? alone? like there is no one out there who loves you? i have! one of my favorite parts of reading the Book of Mormon over and over is that I learn new things about God and myself each time! today, I read these verses:
Sing, O heavens; and be joyful, O earth; for the feet of those who are in the east shall be established; and break forth into singing, O mountains; for they shall be smitten no more; for the Lord hath comforted his people, and will have mercy upon his afflicted.
But, behold, Zion hath said: The Lord hath forsaken me, and my Lord hath forgotten me—but he will show that he hath not.
For can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? Yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee, O house of Israel.
Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me.
the last time i read the BOM, I felt alone and like God didn't always remember me. I had to remind myself that He does always remember me. today when i read it, i pondered over how the Lord shows me that I am not forgotten. I realized that I have not felt forgotten by Him in such a long time! I know he is there! I recognize His hand in my life every day! He gives me sunshine on a winter day. He gives me wonderful girls in my Relief Society Presidency. He gives me parents who love me and support me in all my crazy ideas and aspirations. He gives me good friends who let me tag along in everything they do. He gives warm[ish] weather in January so that I can go running outside. He helps me understand the things I am learning in Genetics, Stats and Physiology. He has given me a wonderful Bishopbric and ward that builds me up. Yes, I know Heavenly Father loves me- because His love is everywhere around me.
He does not forget you! He knows you intimately! He is blessing you- don't forget that he is cheering for you! Pray to know of His love. He is manifest it to you in ways you cannot even imagine.
love.
that word. recently i have gone through experiences that have made me question what love is and how you know when you love someone- or when they love you. honestly, i am afraid to love someone right now. of course i love my family and my friends. but that is obvious. i'm not "in love." i don't plan on it in the near future either. my heart is surrounded by a very fragile shell that is becoming stronger and thicker day by day. that doesn't mean i won't give love to those around me. but it is going to be difficult for me to give my heart and full love to anyone (aka a young man).
i can truly say that i love my Savior and i am so grateful for his Atonement for me! where would i be without Him?
i want to be like this quote from C.S. Lewis:
sorry this is a day late. yesterday i was gone and busy from 8 am until 8 pm. so i'll do day 21 as well today don't you worry. haha since like no one reads this i don't think anyone will be anxious.
have you ever noticed that the second you think life is going great, Heavenly Father says "don't get too comfy. i'm about to give you some trials which will test you and hopefully strengthen your faith, bringing you closer to the person i want to mold you into."?
yes, this is for real.
and it happens. it's like life is hitting in the face with a ton of bricks. and you hate it.
sometimes i just wish i had enough money to solve all the worlds problems. but money doesn't solve anything. the only thing that ever has and will make people truly happy is love.
i was contemplating today if my family wasn't able to "have Christmas."no presents? a younger, more Grinch-like version of myself would have expired on the spot if i saw no presents under the tree on Christmas morn. but today, as i puzzled, i came to a miraculous conclusion.
"What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store.
What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more."
Christmas without presents? it would be ok. all i want is to be with my family and celebrate the birth of our Savior. What I really love about Christmas isn't the presents. I love giving, singing carols, reading Christmas books, sledding, skating, playing games, watching Miracle on 34th Street, sleeping together by the fireplace.
so life here is a challenge: throw at me what you will! i know that life is hard! but, with the help of God, i can do hard things!
disclaimer: these are random thoughts in my mind as i contemplate the trials newly arriving in my life and those i love.
08 November 2010
the more i try to comprehend the Atonement, the more incomprehensible it becomes.
1 Nephi 3:7 "and it came to pass that I, Nephi, said unto my father: I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know the Lord giveth no commandment unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them."
on my mind yesterday and today.
the Lord asks us to do hard things, but he will support and help us accomplish them.
no matter what they are: keeping a tough commandment breaking a habit learning a mission language just doing what is right for us in the time
the Savior is there to take away all pain, sorrow, and heartache.
"We are surrounded by those in need of our attention, our encouragement, our support, our encouragement, our support, our comfort, our kindness- be they family members, friends, acquaintances, or strangers. We are the Lord's hands here upon the earth, with the mandate to serve and to lift His children. He is dependent upon each of us."President Thomas S. Monson
“If you hear a voice within you saying, You are not a painter, then by allmeans paint and that voicewill be silenced.” -Vincent Van Gogh
today's challenge was to pay attention to if our thoughts were positive or negative. building us up or tearing us down. today was a horrible day for me and i was thinking it was ironic that on a day where i had many many negative thoughts about myself that this would be the challenge. but then i got to thinking. my day had turned right side up. life that was previously stormy became sunny. and what i had done? only thought negative thoughts. then i realized. God loves us, even when we don't love ourselves! how can i be ungrateful when i really am blessed so much? even if my day hadn't turned out so great, would i really be off so badly? i may not know how to do physics perfectly. but the things i do know- Christ is our Savior, the Book of Mormon is true, God loves us, this church is true- will take me the farthest. i am grateful for the beauty i am able to find as i turn my life over to Christ and His will for me.
You probably have no idea who I am. Ok so we were friends on facebook, but we both know that facebook tends to be a bit superficial. I was in choir with you senior year. Well, at least for the time you were there. I just wanted to let you know- you are my hero.
Let's just say I admired you from afar. When you came back to school and joined A Capella I watched you. I'm not some creep stalker, but I saw your strength and your positive attitude. And I was inspired.
You were named Most Likely to Change the World by the Utah Valley Magazine. I cut out the article and read your dreams- how you would change the world.
After graduation, I forgot about you. I focused inward, on myself. But sometimes I would pull out your article from UV Magazine and read it and hope you were doing great. I knew you were strong and I hoped that you were fulfilling your dreams.
I cried when I found out that you passed away. At your funeral it became official- you were a hero to me. I am in awe of your positive attitude during sickness, your testimony, your love for your family and your desire to share the Gospel.
Chad, you may not have changed the world in a large and significant way- at least not the way people measure success. But you changed my life! You remind me to be thankful for everything I have and to live life to the fullest. I hope that as I try to make my dreams come true that I remember you, your life and your example.
I took the first half of the New Testament last semester (aka the Four Gospels) and my goal stemmed from this class. we read the Gospels using the Harmony (in the Bible Dictionary) so we got to see all the stories consecutively from the four writers. it was really cool. reading the four gospels again with the class and a great teacher to enrich them, made the Atonement and life of Christ so much more real to me. Good Experience.
I got an A- in the class. I sort of feel like I fail at being Mormon. but at the same time I look back and know that I gained so much and i think I'll be ok with the A-.
tonight i had the privilege of serving emeritus general authorities dinner at BYU. cool, right? i don't usually find work so awesome.
whilst there i observed and thought.
sister susan tanner was there. she is the wife of president tanner- vice president of BYU. ok, first of all, i think she is probably of the most beautiful women ever. (i think that she told this story).... when she was in high school, she was very down on herself. her mom told her that after she walked out the door in the morning, she should forget about herself and only think about others. well, i think all her unselfishness and kindness has made her one of the most beautiful women alive. prettier than jessica alba and kate moss. definitely more beautiful that anyone on people magazine's list of sexiest women. it occurred to be that sister tanner is a woman of god. she serves Him with her whole heart. she is charitable, faithful, obedient. she stands for truth and righteousness. i want to be like her.
at about 12:15 today life was looking pretty grim to me. ok well thats an exaggeration. i didn't find out that i have cancer or Valley Fever. i just bombed my anatomy lab quiz- again. boo. after almost crying and putting up a depressing facebook status, the Lord slapped me upside the head and reminded me how blessed i am and how many great things there are to be grateful for! so here is my happy list for March 11, 2010.
*great anatomy TA's who are rooting for me to do well in the class* *former ward members who are rooting for me back home (thanks Jan, Polly and Rachel for encouraging me!)* * doing 10 jumping jacks in order to get a pencil and a cookie, for National Nutrition Month!* *sunshine despite the cold* *my Jack Johnson pandora radio station* *chantelle who texted me to make sure my life was ok* *the first floor of the HBLL was extremely study conducive today* *seeing this girl in my political science review was eating starburst jelly beans and then getting really excited for spring and easter!* *changing my major: now it's exercise science* *throwing a football with Kyle and Joel from my ward* *getting MAIL! Letters from Nate Jensen and NATE HAINSWORTH! I almost cried from happiness!* *a spoonful of ice cream* *my high school musical pandora station*
And now i'm off to eat dinner with two wonderful friends, chantelle and megan. i've got a great weekend ahead of me and i am winning at life!
Why do bad things happen to good people? It's pretty much a question that has been asked throughout all time. Yet, I don't think anyone has ever found a "good" answer. I don't even have an answer. So sorry people, if you were expecting some comfort- you ain't getting it from me.
My family is going through a hard time. No one really seems to know. And, to me, it seems that those who know, my friends, are not even there trying to help me. Hardest of all is that since my entire family is suffering, I can't even turn to them for comfort. I think of us, holed up in our "cave" (house) where no one outside knows what is going on. It's like there is a huge sign on the front of our house that says: QUARANTINED! MOURNING, HURTING PEOPLE INSIDE and then in tiny letters: Enter at your own risk. People see it, freak out, and run away fast! I know it sounds pretty amusing when I put it like that, but see that is just the satirical part of me coming out. But out of all the people who could help, only two have come over (and I bless them for it). Its sorta like when someone dies. You don't know quite what to say that will help the grieving family. There are the few brave people who do venture down to talk to the grieving. They don't talk a lot, they just listen, they just offer whatever they can. Those are the angels who we appreciate forever.
So, I need therapy- apparently. Therapy that Lord of the Rings marathons and sleep can't give me. I have been so stressed and worried that I have literally made myself sick. And I can't go to sleep because I am so tense. Chocolate doesn't even appeal to me, which is extremely odd for any girl! So here are a few quotes that I like that maybe will help me and maybe help anyone else who is going through a rough time.
"Turn your face to the sunshine and all the shadows fall behind" Helen Keller
"It isn't as bad as you sometimes think it is. It all works out. Don't worry. I say that to myself every morning. It all works out in the end. Put your trust in God, and move forward with faith and confidence in the future. The Lord will not forsake us. He will not forsake us. If we will put our trust in Him, if we will pray to Him, if we will live worthy of His blessings, He will hear our prayers." -Pres Gordon B. Hinckley
“Sometimes it's easy to feel like you're the only one in the world who's struggling. Who's frustrated,or unsatisfied,or barely getting by.That feeling is a lie. And if you just hold on, just find the courage to face it all for another day. Someone or something will find you and make it all okay. ....Because we all need a little help sometimes. ....Someone to help us hear the music in the world, to remind us that it won't always be this way. That someone is out there. And that someone will find you. "
-OTH
"Each of us will have our own Fridays--those days when the universe itself seems shattered and the shards
of our world lie littered about us in pieces. We all will experience those broken times when it seems we can
never be put together again. We will all have our Fridays.
"But I testify to you in the name of the One who conquered death--Sunday will come. In the darkness of our
sorrow, Sunday will come.
"No matter our desperation, no matter our grief, Sunday will come. In this life or in the next, Sunday will come.
"I testify to you that the Resurrection is not a fable. We have the personal testimonies of those who saw Him.
Thousands in the Old and New Worlds witnessed the risen Savior. They felt the wounds in His hands, feet,
and side. They shed tears of unrestrained joy as they embraced Him."
(Joseph B. Wirthlin, "Sunday Will Come," Ensign, Nov. 2006, 30)
Merry Christmas everyone! Isn't it interesting how nothing is ever the same? I mean, you think every Christmas will be exactly the same as the last. But things change, people come and go, and of course the weather changes. This Christmas was the MOST different I had ever had. Besides being the college student who has to move home at Christmas, there were other things that made this Christmas different. Stuff happened and it was looking like a not very joyous season after all. However, what really matters about Christmas isn't the presents or if we get what we want for Christmas. What Christmas is really about is Christ's birth and his infinite Atonement. My family really had to focus on that this year. For me, there was no where else I could turn. Because even when friends fail us and the world seems to be pitch black, Christ is always there for us. This Christmas has been a test of my faith (and my family's faith) to see if I could trust in the Lord when there was no one else I could trust in. I don't know what is going to happen tomorrow or the next day or the rest of my life, but I know God loves me. I think the reason we don't feel his love all the time is because we aren't looking for it or because we want to find love other places. I don't know what will happen because of what happened to my family this Christmas. But I think the best New Years gift would be to find out that everything is ok. That happy ever after does really exist.
