28 June 2012

fire and lies

there is an odd sort of light streaming in the windows at work. and when i'm driving in my car, the overcast sky is a menacing orange color. everything smells like smoke. you taste it as you breathe in. it even invades homes and work places. utah is on fire. there are six wildfires out of control across utah right now. i am, luckily, not affected, beyond the horrible air quality and clouds of smoke. it is however, an eerie feeling knowing that homes are burning and your fellow utahns are being evacuated. there is also a huge fire raging in colorado springs. so many homes have been burned and hundreds of acres of land. it is insane!
i hope you will join me in praying for those displaced because of the fires, that rain will soon fall, and that our firefighters will continue to be safe and they battle the flames.
crazy fire in CO!
i have been thinking about dating... it's kind of a recurring theme in my life heh heh. anyways i've been thinking about this for a while- the lies that get told when dating. if you haven't read my post on honesty that might be a good spring board into this post. 
lately, as in this past year, i've been really over the dating "game." i just wanna tell it like it is. then there won't be any of this guessing, wondering, stupid "waiting for him to text first", etc. i'm starting to think that if you are interested in someone, even after one date, then you should tell them! don't freak them out and make yourself sound stalkerish, but tactfully let them know you are interested in getting to know them better, that you think they are the bees knees. you wanna know what these dating lies are? read on.
disclaimer: i'm not a dating guru. these are all my thoughts and opinions. feel free to agree or disagree. ie. comment.

1. let's just be friends- usually this is told after a couple of dates, usually some sort of hand holding/cuddling has occurred, and one of you has decided they aren't feeling it. but this does sometimes happen in a real break up too. i hate this because usually one person really does want to see the other again and so they are hoping a friendship will happen. most often though, you aren't friends. not after you started dating, or after you've been in a relationship. usually people say this to soften the blow, to make it seem like it won't be that bad. well here's what i say! if you are breaking up, then do just that- break up. don't try to make it seem better by saying "i still want to be friends." because if you don't intend on acting on those words, then someone is going to end up hurt and angry at your horrible friendship. it's better to make a clean break then to have expectations that you might be friends. if you do still want to be friends (you value that person for more than their dating qualities/physical qualities) then make sure you are a friend! i've been told this lie countless times and i still don't understand why i was told it. but i do know that i'm never going to use that line unless i really mean it. 

2. i'm too busy to date you right now- told in a variety of ways, this is the perfect way to avoid commitment and blow someone off. this is not like when you say no to a second date because you already have plans.  this lie is usually told after two people have been out a couple times and one of you has expressed interest in the other. it's more like an excuse really. either, they are scared of the commitment and sacrifice that it takes to be in a relationship, or they aren't interested and are too wimpy to say so. this excuse also comes in the form of "this long distance relationship doesn't work for me" and "i really need to focus on school/career/etc." it's like the cop out choice. if you aren't interested in someone, don't act like you are! then you won't be in the predicament of having to say that you are "too busy." or if you lose interest in someone then just tell them kindly that you appreciate their interest but you cannot return the compliment and it would probably be best if you didn't go out again.  if you are scared or commitment, sacrifice, or getting hurt, then my dear friend, press onward. as nicole said, loving is about being vulnerable and you are going to get hurt. but you won't know if you don't try! (if you wanted to know this, below, is how i feel when someone tells me they are "too busy to date". hypocritical much? ha ha)

dating is hard. we all know that. but it's also great. let's just all be honest with each other ok? oh and if you want to know what women really want, see below. ps. i've decided not to take a break from dating. i need to keep moving forward and being my happy self and eventually awesome guys will present themselves. and if they don't, my life will still be great.
it is pretty simple


  1. Being honest in dating is hard. I'm guilty of excuses that are not listed here, but are similar. It is so dang hard to tell someone that you're not interested in them! I have tried both methods (being 'brutally' honest vs. dropping little 'I'm-not-interested' vibes) and both have worked and both have backfired dreadfully. I think in the long run it is better to be completely honest, but I definitely struggle with it....

  2. Beka despite you not being a dating guru... you are a very wise woman. You've definitely had me take a look at my situation with this post. Thanks:)