sonnet xvii

i do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,

or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.

i love you as certain dark things are to be loved,

in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

i love you as the plant that never blooms

but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;

thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,

risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

i love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.

i love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;

so i love you because i know no other way

than this: where i does not exist, nor you,

so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,

so close that your eyes close as i fall asleep.

pablo neruda

14 February 2012

note: this was in fact written by me, Rebekah Arnesen. i thought long and hard about what i should post for Valentine's Day this year and came up with this idea (and well as another post- which i will do later today). i have had the great blessing to learn about love this year and to figure out more of what i desire in a future marriage. i hope you allow me to be deeply personal for a few minutes today. happy day of love!

Dear You,

i've always been a great letter writer, but i've never been one to write to some future being- someone who only exists in my mind and heart. but because this is important, and this is for eternity, i've decided to write to you. i'm not the most eloquent of writers, i tend to be more sarcastic and funny when i write. deep down though, i am a romantic and a lover. all these words come straight from my heart.

i don't know you, but i love you. i can love you already because i know that you will be the perfect one for me. just like i dream about the day i will wed you for time and all eternity, you dream about me and you hope for the day when you will meet me. i love you for being worthy. i know you are striving to stay worthy to enter the temple because i am doing the same. i know you value the Gospel because i value it above everything else. i love you for helping me stay worthy and for creating, with me, a beautiful courtship which we will tell, with out shame, to our children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

everything i have done and that i do in life prepares me for the time when i will meet you. i pray hard and try to stay close to the Spirit so that i recognize you as the man i will spend eternity with. i cannot imagine the joy i will feel as i kneel across the altar, knowing that we are both pure. knowing that i love you and you love me and we both love God. i know that there is no place you will take me except to the temple, because you have been preparing to meet me, and you know the importance of a temple marriage. and i love you for that.

i know that you will treat me like a Queen. because i want to treat you like a King. we will be eternal friends and lovers. when we finally meet we will both understand why heart ache and heart breaks had to happen. we will experience happiness beyond what we could ever imagine. we will have the "can't-eat, can't-sleep, reach-for-the-stars, over-the-fence, World Series" kind of love. you are the Ron to my Hermione, the Gilbert Blythe to my Anne, the Jacob to my Rachel. our love will be deep and everlasting. it will be quirky and fun. it will be uniquely ours- something that no one and nothing can dissolve.

our love will create little ones. children we will look for with great anticipation. i am scared for the responsibility of motherhood. perhaps you are frightened by the responsibility of fatherhood. but you will understand, like i do, that these are precious children of God and He will help us raise them in righteous paths. you will, in fact, be a wonderful father. you will be the King in our little Kingdom and you will be an example of a righteous priesthood holder to our sons and daughters. you will show our sons how to build a tree house, how to fix a flat tire, and how to treat young ladies. but most importantly you will help to raise them to be missionaries in Zion and worthy priesthood holders throughout their lives. to our daughters you will be the protector- the one who helped the ride their first two-wheeler bike, the one who took them on their first driving lesson, the first man they ever truly love and the one they look to as an example of what they want their future husband to be like. because we love each other, God and our children, our home will be a joyful place- much like the temple. our love will spill over the sides of our home, like a bubbling pot of hot chocolate.

i'm waiting for you. because i know it will be worth it. i know you will make me laugh. you will like that i watch disney movies and csi. you will encourage me to follow my dreams. i will encourage you to follow your dreams and do everything i can to make them a reality. i will watch football, basketball, soccer. . . you name it (except golf) with you. i will cheer you on- in sports, tests, life. i will make yummy dinners (but sometime's i might burn the chicken). you will open doors for me and rub my back when i am tired. i will let you use me as a pillow and i will write you love notes. our love with be perfect, despite the imperfections i know we both will have.

i know you are looking for me as i am looking for you. and so i will wait patiently for the February 14 when you are my forever Valentine. for the love and happiness that i cannot imagine to fill my heart and my life. i will wait for you- where ever and who ever you are.

Love,
Rebekah

day 13. a letter to someone.

(because i'm not feeling creative enough today)

Dear You,

Whoever you are, I'm the girl of your dreams. I am real, even as you are real, and I dream about you. I look for you wherever I go...in moments of music and laughing and dancing...at school, at church, or just walking down the street, looking into faces that pass me by, wondering if you are there.

One day you will come out of the world into my sight and I shall know that you are for me, and there shall never be another. To find you will be finding eternal friendship and love...a feeling of togetherness, and we shall never be alone again. I dream of your strength, of your wisdom, of your kindness, of your courtesy, good humor, and optimism. I dream of the man you will be. You are choosing today the bread I shall eat, the walls that will shelter me, my position and place in life and in eternity. My crown will come to me only through your priesthood. What you are doing in preparation for the future, will determine my future too.

The bodies of our children, which I shall proudly bear, are part of you even as they are part of me too. We must become one, before they can be.

What you are in part you shall become. Be fine, honorable, wise, for me...for them. I will be chaste for you. You be chaste for me. I will be beautiful and clean in body and spirit and accomplishment for you. I will save all that is sacred and best for you. This same thing, I want from you.

On that holy day when we shall wed, I shall wear white, truthfully I shall kneel with you at the temple altar in the presence of God, angels and all witnesses. Honestly I shall accept the ring joyously. I shall kiss your lips purely. I shall bring you untouched, my virginity, that we may discover all the glory together as man and wife, priest and priestess.

Wait for me. it may be years before we find each other, but oh, I want you. I want no other. I believe I knew and loved you in the pre-existent life, and that you loved me too. That our lives were promised in priesthood covenant to each other. All night when I kneel to pray, I pray to find you. I pray with all my young love's beauty, hope, desire, and faith. May you be blessed, may you be guided and protected until we safely find each other.

This earth is wide. The roads wind every which way upon its surface. But God will bring us face to face sometimes, somewhere...Let us live for this blessing. Dear you. Whoever you are, wherever you are, I'm the girl...and I do love you...I am waiting patiently for you! Please wait...and prepare yourself for me too.

xo me.