lose yourself in the music the moment

ok here is a little update on my training for the UV half marathon in June. (this is for the few loyal readers that i do have. ha)

i've been running everyday this week. yay me! today i ran 5 1/2 miles- the farthest i've ever run. its not very far if you are seasoned runner, but it was long for me. here is the problem(s)

1. a closed cart full of dishes and such fell on my right leg (yes and the knee with tendonitis) a few weeks ago. yesterday as i was running it was killer. i just wanted to cut my leg off. i was super frustrated. like kicking things mad. but i completed a 4 mile run.

don't go away. it gets worse

2. today when i was running my knee didn't hurt at all. i was excited. i was doing good with not stopping and had a pretty good pace. and then all of a sudden my heart begins to feel like its made of lead. i felt like every breath i took was a burden and i couldn't get enough air. even when i slowed down. i had to walk a lot. i ran farther, but i don't think it really counts since i had to stop a lot. even when i stopped my heart was about to burst from my chest. the pain was horrible. it made me nauseous and it was all i could do not to fall over. no bueno.

so i feel like an idiot. i want so badly to run the half marathon. even more than that i want to be in shape. i feel really down on myself lately. running helps. but if i can't breath and pump blood, running isn't going to work.

i didn't have trouble breathing when i was on swim team. so why now?

i feel dumb because 1. my roommate runs with me and she kept having to stop and wait for me. 2. i can always work through pain. i can ignore pain. i have high pain tolerance. i guess your heart stopping qualifies as pretty high pain (i'm being dramatic i know). 3. my two best friends, neal and nate, are very in shape and i look up to them a lot. maybe i'm vain but when they back from their missions i want to look good.

my mom thinks i have pleurisy. i'm like great. lets just add a heart condition onto my already weak immune system. why not just put me in a bubble where nothing can touch me and i can't do anything?

i want to keep running, but i think tomorrow i'd better take it easy. as entertaining as it would be for cars driving by, i don't think it would be very fun to pass out or throw up on my next run.

grrrrrr.