11 May 2012

irrational fears no. 1

you know those things you totally are afraid of, but really for no good reason? because they are completely unfounded. i'm not talking about being afraid of spiders or being afraid of airplanes. i'm talking about those fears that are so crazy that you never, ever talk about them. because people will probably laugh.

it's time i shared one of mine. please don't laugh. this fear has struck my heart quite a few times since starting this college experience. (and by "college experience" of course i mean datinglookingforahusbandatBYUbeforeallthehomewardladiesthinki'mdestinedtobeanoldmaid experience.) did you catch that?

sometimes (deep breath) i am super scared that i am going to marry someone who is not attractive.

ok ok, i know, how shallow can i a girl get?! like i'm laughing that i just wrote that sentence. it's ridiculous. but it's still a fear. especially after i get rejected, or when i feel like i just can't find a guy that i would want to date, this fear starts to creep into my head.

i worry that since all the guys who are asking me out are not that attractive to me, or that the guys i think are attractive are either tools or unavailable, that there is no hope and i will inevitably end up with an unattractive man.

it used to consume my mind. and then i had a light bulb. i realized "beka, you idiot, of course you aren't going to marry someone you aren't attracted to. that would be just dumb. you are going to think he is the hottest thing since jalapeno peppers. so don't you worry!"

so every time i get worried that i'm going to marry an ugly man, i just remind myself that that is quite impossible and will never happen.

but all the same, i think i'm going to go to England and find Rupert, fall madly in love, and get married. just to be on the safe side.

do you have any irrational fears? what are they? do share.

ps. please do not be offended because i said some guys were unattractive/ugly. i meant that they are not attractive to me. please remember that we all have different tastes and i'm pretty sure many guys do not find me that pretty either. that's just life. if you can't deal with it, then go grow up. and then come back and read my blog.


  1. oh my gosh. this is the best! and i've totally had that thought also. you are not alone:) this is so great.

  2. haha ok, i do not know you or even how i came upon your blog but this is SO ME!!! I just had this conversation with my roomies the other night. I have been so worried that i'll end up with an ugly guy! All of the guys i am attracted to are tools, or just do not have very much going except their looks! In all reality personality makes up a HUGE part of my attraction to guys. But, I want to look at my husband when he walks in a room and think DANG! He is mine :) Hah This post rocked. I feel you read my mind!