as many of you know, i have been struggling for a couple weeks with chronic unhappiness. i haven't been myself. i have let myself fall into depression and selfishness. on thursday i was very down. i wrote a less than cheerful post about how discouraged i was and how i didn't know how to move on. it was like i was determined to be sad.
i went to institute and was only half listening. i liked the lesson, but my heart wasn't in it. just like my heart hasn't really been in me. and then, something changed. i'm not exactly sure what. but i think a lot has to do with this video. the Gospel of Christ will lead us to Him and He will help lift our burdens, make us strong enough to carry them, and sanctify us for our faithfulness.
i have a friend who is going through a trial that i cannot fathom going through. i wish i could take it from her and carry it myself. but i have realized that we all travel at our own pace. some may receive one blessing while waiting for another. while another may receive a different blessing, while wanting something that another has already been blessed with. just like everything else in our life, we are given specific trials because the Lord knew we needed those trials to make us better people.
i have been blessed with so many things that others do not have. i got to go to Africa and begin the fulfillment of a dream. i am receiving a top notch education and will soon have a bachelor's degree. i have a wonderful, faithful family who support and love me. i have received scholarships to help pay for my schooling. i have fun and righteous friends who pick me up when i am down. i have a temple close by. i have almost perfect health. these blessing are all individually designed for me.
so it only makes sense that my trials would also be perfect for me.i don't understand why i have not been able to get married while here at BYU, but i do know that i came to this school to get an education and i will leave here having been spiritually and temporally fed. i don't understand why i struggle with self esteem, but i do know my struggles have made me stronger and have made me more passionate about helping others who are like me. i don't know why i haven't been able to breeze my way through college, but i do know that i have learned how to really learn and how to study. i don't know why i have worked so hard and never been quite rich enough to do all the fun things my friends do, but i do know that i've still made good friends and i've had fun doing things that don't cost money.
and so i am ready to be happy again. i am going to do things that make me happy. i will paint my nails. i will read the book of mormon. i will spend time outside in the summer sun. i will exercise. i will go to work with a good attitude. i will read more. i will focus on my goals and dreams. i will be more grateful. i'm ready to move on and be the happy me i used to be. i want to do it. i know i'm not anywhere close to the happiness i want to reach, but i think i can reach it! wish me luck!