23 February 2011

who'da thunk?

{warning: this post might be slightly bipolar/disordered}

if, six months ago, you had told me that today i would be single- and actually liking it- i would have either laughed hysterically or punched your eye out. honestly, i thought by now i'd be seriously dating/engaged. but- to say the least, i'm not. psh. whatever. i've gone through the devastating sadness, the fuming anger, bitterness, not caring, and forgiveness. i am over it.
so often here at BYU relationships are put in the fore light- in front of school and even church. [i mean, we have a relationships Sunday School class in my singles ward.] now, i'll be the first advocate of strong relationships. after all life isn't about how much money/fame/etc you have, but about family, friends, and love.  i believe that your best friends should be your family. that no friendship should ever be allowed to end. that people are way more important than your problems. BUT sometimes at this mormon-ville university, i feel like i have to get married- now. if, as a young women, you are not married by the ripe old age of 21, then you must go out and serve a mission. if you are 22, not married (or engaged) and not on a mission, i sometimes get the vibe of "well, excuse me Sister, what are you doing here? please take your ancient body and find a man or get a black name tag on." news flash: 22 is not that old!
when you focus so much on mating (i prefer this to marriage in this situation because there is difference between focusing on the ordinance of marriage and continually being on the prowl. also, i am taking a genetics class and we often talk about mating- flies and such.) you can't focus on what is really important- the Gospel, service to God and others, strengthening testimonies, getting an education, keeping our bodies fit, etc. obviously my friends who know me well enough are now thinking: "beka you are one of the most boy crazy girls i know. you are always checking guys out, talking to boys, going on dates, and, for heavens sake you have a Word document on your laptop entitled 'wedding!' so how can you profess to be an expert on waiting patiently for Prince Charming to come?" good question ralph. please allow me to answer. i have waited.[i mean, i waited for 2 stinkin years for something that didn't work out. ha. but thats in the past.] i'm still waiting actually. and i am not a patient person, not in many things. but in this thing, i am resigned determined to be patient. because i know that my Mr. Right will come along. and then, well it will be a whole new adventure.
for now, i am content with my adventure. i have learned so many things since October- hard, hard lessons. some of these lessons were a slap in the face lesson and others were more like a warm hug from a loving Father. i've learned about me, and i've become more of the person i want to be when i "grow up." yes, sometimes i feel a little sad that my friends all are getting married (but really not all). then i think to myself, woman, you are going to Africa. that usually makes the sadness run away. i've realized that there are so many good things around me.[for example- today was Oreo Wednesday at the Bean. i got some free oreos. and i felt great about that.] so many good people. so much to learn. so many blessings. so much love. am i grateful i went through a heart break? hmmm, to be totally honest- NO. but i am sincerely thankful for what i have gained.
so. . .  yes, my life is great. i am not bitter, but i am closing the subject of past "waiting and dating". my life is one big adventure and it's just about to get even more adventurous! if you are new to my new blog, welcome. please don't leave because this post is slightly off. i didn't mean for this to be bitter or judgmental in any way. i know marriage is the only way to attain exaltation, i think finding your eternal companion is a very serious matter. more on that later....i'm a completely  normal 21 year old female student. tonight (or tomorrow if i don't have time) i will be doing a little get to know Beka. so, peace out homies. i get off work in 17 minutes and then i'm off to the BYU Student-Alumni Etiquette Dinner, which i helped plan. hooray for free food!

1 comment:

  1. Bekah, you are so great :) So good to hear you've found yourself through all this, and honestly you are way above everything that happened so your mindset is spot on! BYU DOES feel like marriage central... but I am in the same boat as a non-engaged or married student and yes, it is sometimes weird. I don't really care about the rush to get married, and yet sometimes I get caught up in it! No! This is a good time :) And I am seriously so jealous you are going to Africa. Like, I would do it in a heart beat if I didn't have other commitments this summer! Health+travel abroad=everything I love about life!! Anyways, rambling comment....let's really get together soon! My midterms are all but conquered, we'll have to meet with our lunches sometime! I just think you are amazing :)