hope

there are those days when i just want to give up hope.  you see hope it a tricky thing. it requires you to have faith and trust and believe in something good for you. faith is fairly easy for me. i know God is there. i know He loves His children. i know He has plans for everyone. in my heart i know that i am beautiful to Him. i told my mom once that i believe in "happily-ever-afters" for other people, but i'm not so sure about myself. and as pathetic as that sounds, it's kind of true. i go back and forth between complete confidence that one day i will find the right guy who absolutely completes me, and wondering if he even exists. is this normal? probably. (i hope so.)

but you can't give up. that's something i've learned this semester. i've wanted to take a hiatus from dating to focus on school and personal things, but i've always received the answer that i should keep going on dates. i don't know why the Lord wants me to date when i have not been successful. i guess i thought that the answer to keep dating meant that i would magically find my husband.

one of my favorite movies has this quote, that really put things into perspective, when it comes to dating.

"Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up: If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs. And someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending.
Every movie we see, every story we're told implores us to wait for it, this third act twist: the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule.
But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending, we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell the ones who want us from the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave.
And maybe this happy ending doesn't include a wonderful guy. Maybe it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over. Freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is just moving on.
Or maybe the happy ending is this: Knowing that all the unreturned phone calls and broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment... you never, ever, gave up hope."

so yes, dating is hard. it's hard wondering if he likes you. if he is going to text you. or ask  you out again. wondering why it didn't work out. worrying that it will never work out. but i also need to remember that dating is fun. it's not the beginning and end of the world. it's time to focus on now and make sure that i am becoming my best self. leave the rest to the Lord.